(twangy music) (contemplative music) - The reason why I joined the military was basically to leave home.

What's the cheapest and easiest way to get outta DC... Join the military.

- I deployed to Kuwait, Camp Buehring.

I am a sophomore at Virginia Tech, currently majoring in Civil Engineering.

- I attempted to enlist at 17, and if I had been corrupt enough, I would've gone in at 1967.

- I grew up in the military, my dad was a Marine.

I actually wanted to be a Marine.

I wish there was a deeper answer, but I just really wanted to be in the military.

(contemplative music) - I was active duty at what, 19?

My whole adult life was just the military.

So getting out and then reintegrating into the normal world, it's extremely difficult.

The Army's very easy, to be honest with you.

There's an order to everything you do.

It's organized chaos, but then you get into the normal world.

It is just chaos.

There's no order to it at all.

- Veterans are a distinct group in our society.

They don't quite fit in.

- When you are on the civilian side, you don't understand.

(music drowns out soldier orders) - Veterans were either seen as the wounded warrior, the hero, or the unstable person with PTSD, right?

You're talking about this dichotomy that doesn't encompass the entire spectrum.

- Yes, Sir, doing well.

They forget the main thing even though I was a soldier, that I'm still human, - Rural veterans everywhere, you know, have some unique challenges, but there are some benefits to living in rural areas.

Improving access and quality for veterans, especially rural veterans, there's things that we can do on the VA health care side and things that happen in the community.

- How can veterans as a group, maybe help bridge these terrible divides that are going on in our country?

♪ In the heartland we rely on ourselves ♪ ♪ And one another ♪ Hand in hand ♪ We must stand ♪ In the heartland - Production funding for "Life In The Heart Land" was provided by... (birds chirping) (singers chanting) - I wait for a signal from our arena director.

He will give me a sign.

It's a very secret kind of sign like this.

(handbell jingles) (singers chanting) There is no ethnic group that has a higher percentage per capita of participation than Native Americans in the United States military.

- And ladies and gentlemen, you can tell by the big smile on his face, he's recently retired sharing the flag of the United States of America.

Colonel Tracy Williams, United States honor retired 30 years, ladies and gentlemen.

- At the Powwow, we use it as a time, not only of honor, but also of healing.

You'll see veterans that are wounded physically as well as emotionally, some of them mentally, come into the circle and receive healing from the circle.

They're volunteering to go into harm's way and possibly not return.

Something to take seriously and something to provide an opportunity as a native people in our tradition and our way to give honor to our modern warriors.

(singers chanting) (energetic drum music) (energetic trumpet music) (officer calling orders) (energetic trumpet music) - I've already gone through, my friends like to call them multiple lives, so this is my third life with my first life being high school, second life being military.

- I don't usually tell people I'm a veteran.

It just doesn't come up.

It's just easier to blend.

I look young, you know, people don't assume that I was ever in the military, and then when it does come up, I'm usually met with things like, "Oh, well, like I didn't know you're a veteran.

You don't look like a veteran," it's like, well, what?

What is that supposed to look like?

(drum music) - Anubis took me a week.

This one I love because I am Wiccan.

- I knew when I was a kid that I was gonna go into the service.

My favorite toys were my army men.

Oh, Heaven forbid, I never touched a doll.

We lived out in the middle of nowhere.

I was determined to leave and stay gone.

- I was born and raised in Waynesboro.

I was the first Black Homecoming Queen in 1999.

So yeah, (laughs) like, bro, I was like, Bro we out here still making like history.

(energetic drum music) - I was an unusual combat arms officer 'cause I had an English degree.

So the Army really wanted me to get my advanced degree and then teach at West Point.

(energetic drum music) - I bounced around like most vets looking to find a job that would suit me.

Not a lot of them do.

To go from a high-stress job to a job that doesn't have any stress at all.

A lot of vets thrived on that high stress.

(energetic drum music) (calm music) - There is a problem, like there is over 20 veterans a day committing suicide.

Why?

You survived a war, but how are you surviving in finding your place in civilian world?

(drum music) - I went in finally, in ‘64.

My dad was flyin B-17s in World War II.

- My dad was a Vietnam vet and I saw the dedication that he had for it and then when I turned 18, my dad said, "I need that bed."

And I knew what that meant, So we went to the recruiter's office.

- My cousin really wanted to join the Marine Corps and I was just like, "Let's go, buddy."

I looked real good for my senior prom because of it.

(calm music) - Like, (laughs) every now and then, I gotta ask permission.

- For sure.

- This community saved my life.

- A lot of us were young and we go out here, we put our lives on the line, and then when you come out here that teamship, it's just gone.

A lot of us, we yearn for that.

(fiddle music) - I really have that lost connection with the Military and I struggle every day.

Certainly say it adds to my depression for sure.

When you're not in the uniform walking it every day you feel like a piece of you is lost.

- Going through a lot of depression.

PTSD, alcoholism, and then I met Potsy, which is Chris.

He talked to me, invited me out.

At first, I was like, "I'm not coming out there to hang out with a bunch of old guys."

(friend laughs) Hey, at least Jelly Roll, he's an in-between.

- They sent us on a mission and we accomplished it.

(fiddle music) - I wonder if we got the blower and like put it underneath.

It's how I did it last time (indistinct) - Have a good time.

- Okay, you take care.

- Okay, bye-bye, sweetie.

- Talk to you tonight.

-Glad you called.

- Yep, bye-bye (fiddle music) (singing to himself) (reflective music) (acoustic music) (bike roars) - We all speak the same language, which is war.

The VFW is a safe place for us to be able to not be judged and it helps you out to go through your demons and your nightmares.

(birds chirping) - Its really hard to separate the pure medical issues from the social issues.

Social determinants of health, the things that are in your environment that are either something you bring with you or something that's created in the environment.

- Well, you go back to the caveman days, you get attacked by a lion and survive.

The next time you come across that lion, you're gonna have a visceral reaction to that lion.

That's your brain's survival mechanism telling you, "Hey, that's dangerous."

Well, in combat, you know, you substitute the lion for people.

When you get home, you're having that same survival reaction to other people.

I don't think I realized I was dealing with anything while I was in 'cause you're surrounded by other people that went through the same exact thing that are dealing with the same thing.

So what I was experiencing was the baseline normal for everyone I was interacting with.

It wasn't until I got outta the Marines and started interacting with normal people on the outside that I realized, "Oh, this is not normal behavior."

I started hiking the Appalachian Trail the day after I left the Marine Corps and that's when it became apparent that, you know, I was really struggling with my transition.

There's an interesting cross-section between traditional therapy and outdoor therapy.

Traditional therapy is very educational, so it's teaching you why you react the way you do and what causes you to react the way that you do, and then what you can do to mitigate those reactions.

When you do outdoor therapy, like through-hiking the Appalachian Trail, you're submersed in nature for 24 hours a day for six months.

You have no option but to start processing everything and coming to terms with everything.

(calm music) (keys jingle) (van door slides shut) The mission of Warrior Expeditions is to help veterans transition from their wartime experiences through long-distance outdoor expeditions.

Got a place to put the boats... - I do like that.

- I think there is bypasses... Just like a deployment, except when you get done you're in a lot better place as opposed to a lot worse place.

- And a lot lighter gear.

(birds chirping) Most people in general, bond through suffering, which is a terrible way to put it, but they do.

People bond through terrible experiences.

- I wouldn't say terrible, I'd say hard.

(chuckles) - Hard.

(laughs) Hard experiences, not terrible experiences.

- You have to tackle the physical, the mental and the social and by doing a long-distance expedition, you're addressing all three of those simultaneously without all of the distractions of your phone, the TV, the news, some menial job.

It's just you and Nature.

(birds chirping) (boots clomping) (Maxwell clears throat) - My name is Maxwell Conroy with Warrior Expeditions.

I was a 13 Bravo in the Army, retired after 20 years of service.

I did multiple tours in Iraq and Afghanistan.

(boots crunching) I guess you get in your head, it's like an ebb and flow of emotion.

The beginning, you're just, your mind is focused on your physical being, like, "Oh, my feet hurt, my knees hurt, everything's hurting.

But then once you understand it's just gonna hurt, then your mind goes into a whole different world of other thoughts.

You know... an enormous amount of different thoughts.

(calm music) (birds chirping) (drum music) (reflective music) - I got outta the military in 2014, and I was gonna hike the Appalachian Trail.

I didn't go out there thinking I was really gonna need therapy for it.

I was like, "Oh, this is gonna be a fun thing to do," and shoot some video - what I'm good at.” And I get done with the trail, and I was like, "Man, I am super depressed.

(laughs) I need some help.

Like I need to go talk to somebody."

So I went to therapy after the trail.

- The trail really showed me that, like, I didn't think I needed help and I did.

I needed a lot of help.

(somber music) - Ready?

- Yep.

- One, two, three, up.

- By the way, you put your seat in backwards.

- Open mind.

I put my seat in backwards?

- Yeah.

(laughs) - I'm a professional.

(Sean laughs) (reflective music) (ducks quacking) (birds chirping) The biggest thing about this program is that it's not a fix-all, but it's a resource to use when you do start to, you know, go down a dark path again.

I am the queen of activities.

We could, oh, we could have work stations field day!

- Have little competitions.

- Yes, three-legged race, a little egg on the spoon, put the spoon at the end of a trekking pole.

- Oh, you gotta do the Dizzy Izzy.

(calm music) (water splashes) You're able to reestablish building social connections again.

- All right, so that accomplished nothing.

(Sean laughs) - When you get home from these deployments, especially the really kinetic deployments, you know, the brain has a funny way of coping with that.

A lot of the veterans that come through our program, have been in various forms of isolation for years.

- I think I'm just kind of wired differently now.

The longer you stay in, the harder it is to rewire that.

- Often they don't wanna make waves, right?

They don't want to identify themselves as in need, and so they, they're often sort of caught in this vacuum.

“I'm trained to be self-reliant and yet I need help.

But I don't even know who to go to.” - I just have a hard time asking because that's not who I am.

- I need help, I need help.

That was one of the hard things for me to get over.

You know, being a military brat, you just, there are some things you don't ask for.

- I wasn't going to college.

(laughs) I was tired of school, had all intentions to being a career soldier, but Moms had a heart condition and bein the only child, I had to come home.

- Between my grandfather and my father and me, there's over, there's like 40 years worth of experience in militaries.

- It was saving my life.

I was 20, under 100 pounds, and I had to wait three months before I could go in because I was under 100 pounds.

I had to come up over.

My mental state over the last couple of months has not been in a good place.

I am for the most part alone and mentally have been going through a lot that I've never, ever, ever had to deal with.

- Bethel Baptist Church runs a food pantry.

If it wasn't for them, and Vittles, I pretty much would've starved by now.

Where's Mom at?

Where's the boss at?

- Oh, man.

- Hey, buddy.

- Here, hello.

- Is he scary?

- He's scary.

-I founded Vittles for Vets 10 years ago in December.

In the 10-year period, we've given out over $660,000 in food gift cards for the veterans.

I was only 19 years old.

the day I was drafted.

They knew they were sending us to Vietnam.

We didn't.

(laughs) (acoustic music) Hunger doesn't go away.

You can't just give 'em a food card and let them go.

There's so much more to do.

- These veterans have worked their whole lives.

They served, they came home, they don't have a big Social Security check coming in.

They don't qualify for disability.

They're not getting any veterans benefits and they're struggling.

- My injury as I've gotten older, definitely limits my abilities and with the other health issues that I have, that I have to take a life-sustaining medications for, the rest of my life...

It takes everything to just keep going.

- You wanna go outside?

When you're on a limited budget, even at a discount price, meds are expensive.

- I wanna go back to work.

I can't sit around on my behind.

It's not in me, I'm sorry.

I guess they say every day above ground's a good day.

But I think somebody's not telling the whole story.

(laughs) There are days where it's not worth... yeah.

- I try to push on, and it's... and right now, I can't afford a bus pass, (chuckles) so I can't do much.

The desire is there to still get out in society, to still be a part of the workin world.

The desire is there.

(gentle music) - I grew up near a VA hospital.

My grandfather was a vet, and then he spent his last few years in the VA hospital and my assumption was that just, "You were a veteran.

You served, so you got taken care of in your retirement years."

And when you find out that that's not the case, that's really disheartening.

(gentle music) That's one of the things I struggle with the most, so... - And I was in my addiction on the streets.

It was just easier to stay in that pit than it was to climb out.

- There's so much information that isn't given out.

I don't know the answer.

I wish I knew the answer, brother.

I'm gonna tell you what, I'd be president (laughs) if I knew all the answers, right?

(gentle music) - The hardest part, I think for a veteran to come back from war is really feeling that we're not needed.

- Hey.

- Yes, sir.

- There is no welcome home.

There's no celebration, there's no hugs, there's no kisses.

There's empty "Thank you for your service"s. When I first got out, I got called a baby killer.

I got called murderer, I got called everything because I've been in Afghanistan and... (gentle music) Im here.

All right.

I'm here.

(somber music) - I got into a bad manic episode.

I was very depressed.

That was when I was suicidal.

And then I watched, "It's a Wonderful Life," you know?

And I was like, "Okay, yo, if George Bailey out here can like make a difference, I can, I guess I can try."

(gentle music) (birds chirping) - For part of the hike, dealing and processing with like, you know, combat thoughts, you never can get over it.

You just kind of learn to accept your emotions that you have.

(gentle music) Two months of being on trail and you just lose track of time.

I didn't even know what day it is.

When I hike, I'm not thinking about the end.

Right now, I'm just thinking, "Yeah, I need to get to Glasgow and then I need to get to Waynesboro."

(birds chirping) From Waynesboro, I'm like, "All right, I need, I want to get to West Virginia," town to town is kind of how I'm going.

(birds chirping) (acoustic music) - Sean.

- Yeah.

- Do they have access to rename folders?

- No, oh, wait a minute.

Yeah, because they're editors.

Did they mess up our folders?

I'll have to send 'em an email telling 'em not to change the folder names.

(acoustic music) - Hi.

- Hey, how's it goin.

- Good, how are you?

(acoustic music) - You're at your own pace, at your own speed, doing your own thing, living by your own rules.

So if you really look at it, it's the absolute opposite of what the military is.

I'll stop and take naps or you know, I'll see a spot that I really like and I'll stay.

I'm gonna take a week off in Pennsylvania, go hang out with my wife.

It'll be awesome.

Kind of just doing my thing.

(people clapping) - We're getting there, I think it's pretty good now, but it was definitely a struggle and try to find... - A balance.

- A balance and a good release.

I'm trying to like thrive at life.

I'm trying to have a life.

I'm not trying to relive all of that stuff.

I'm trying to put that in the past.

- From an ideal system, we're still not there in coordinating care.

We need to be constantly asking the question, "How can we get better at doing what we do?"

- When I think about Veterans Day, I don't think about just the free food, although that's definitely on my mind on Veterans Day.

(everybody laughing) I also do think about the camaraderie and the bonds I forged through the shared experiences of military service.

I cannot stress enough the importance of the sense of belonging that I've seen and I've been so fortunate to find on campus.

Transitioning from the military to civilian life can be a difficult task and finding a sense of community as a non-traditional undergraduate student can be even harder.

- When you gettin out?

Or never?

Okay, so when you get out, what we do is a lot of... - My goal is to also save a veteran, every single day I go out here.

- A group of us get together, we can help you out with your benefits package far as your ratings, your VA, all that stuff.

(acoustic music) - Yeah, they- - Was it really good?

- Oh, good.

- Yeah, I got one in that.

(acoustic music) - There's no cure for trauma.

Yeah, it changes you forever and there's no going back.

But what you can do is manage your life in such a way as to live your best life.

(violin music) - The military experience and everything I'm doing now, it's all been building on top of what the future is gonna hold for me.

- I study Civic Engagement, which I think is a really critical role in our divided society now.

I call that work sort of my second service, - Just a different way I serve now.

Place one for the other.

That's just the only thing you can do, I think.

Find something you're passionate about and continue, continue serving.

- Huh?

- Who's coming back next year?

- How can we maybe all find a way to participate in a second service to help the rest of the country understand what's most important is our democracy, not politics, not partisan behavior, but preserving this magical entity that we all pledged allegiance to.

(contemplative music) - I'm gettin to Waynesboro.

I know I get there, I'm gonna, I'm probably gonna make it.

- Production funding for "Life In The Heart Land" was provided by... (calm music) ♪ Who belongs?

♪ Is there room enough for all?

Who belongs?

♪ ♪ Do we stand or do we fall ♪ And is there room ♪ In our hearts for this whole land ♪ ♪ Is there room ♪ For us in the heart of the land ♪ (chime)