Your next comic is an Atlanta legend.

He is the co-founder, co-producer of this show.

Y'all give a lotta noise for Ian Aber!

(crowd cheering) -Umm.

I'm married.

I never thought I would be married.

I grew up gay in the '80s so we had other concerns.

Do you know what I'm sayin'?

Like, you know, not dying of AIDS or getting killed in the streets kinda thing.

But what I also didn't know I was gonna have for 22 years in addition to a happy marriage is a mother-in-law.

And she is her own kind of AIDS, guys.

She's more of an AIDS of the spirit than of the physical body.

But the bitch weakens me with every interaction.

I just wanna be clear about that.

(audience members chuckling) (crowd cheering) (electricity zaps) (audience member whistles) (audience applauding) All this is what I said my album was gonna be when I decided I was gonna do a new album.

And "America's Gay Christian Sweetheart," that's what I wanna call it.

When I came up with that I was on mushrooms and God came to me in a dream and was like, "You're America's gay Christian sweetheart now," and I was like, "Well what does that mean?"

And he goes, "I don't know.

Figure it out."

Are you buttering each one individually?

- [Payne] Yeah, just a little bit.

- Wow.

- Those are pretty.

- Some good lookin' pancakes.

- Yeah.

- And Ian probably told you that we make grilled cheese sometimes for his shows, and so we have a show called "sweetbabycheeses".

Where Mom and I are off on the side of the stage making grilled cheese sandwiches for pretty much the whole show.

And it smells so good because you walk into wherever the show is and it just smells like butter.

All right, we've got bacon and eggs.

The way that I like it.

Ow, ow, ow.

- Exciting.

We're exciting.

- Do I not get at all?

- No, the pan's hot.

(Mom laughing) And I was holding it.

- I thought you were like, "Too slow."

- I was like, yes and no.

(group laughing) It's a hard job.

I mean, he gets up almost every night, you know, five nights to seven nights every week and works and is constantly working on material and working on jokes and editing and writing and rewriting.

You know, Ian's been doing comedy for 10 years now.

When he first started, it's hard to get stage time.

- So when I first started it was very lonely because it was like I really didn't have friends in comedy.

I spent a lotta time as a child by myself in the mirror doing the monologue from "The Tonight Show" or whatever.

That beginning, it reminded me of my childhood.

It reminded me of, like, even feeling alone in a group of people.

And it's weird 'cause it was, like, comforting.

It was like, "Oh, I'm prepared for this."

When I was young my parents didn't like how I acted all the time.

My behavior was being corrected.

"Don't scream," and "Stop dancing and waving your hands around when you talk," and "Don't play with Barbie dolls."

There was lots of like my dad objecting to me just existing a lotta times (chuckles), and just being too effeminate, I guess.

There was a lot of like, "Don't act gay.

Don't act gay."

So when I was a kid I would be like, ah, or whatever, and my dad would just basically get all upset about it.

And then he came up with the term flamboyant hand gesture syndrome.

So they would call it FHaGS around the house.

And he used to do the thing where I would, whatever I had just said, he would hold my hands to my side and make me say it again and then I'd be like (grunts) or whatever.

We were religious at the time, and so anytime I would act a specific amount of gay, my mom would remind me that gay people, you know, go to hell, as if that was some kind of deterrent.

Doing standup has made me sort of reexamine a lot of what happened when I was a kid.

A lot of stuff I had blocked out.

I love to read the Bible.

That usually gets a laugh but whatever.

(audience laughs) I love to read the Bible and not just 'cause it burns my hands.

(audience laughs) Though it is nice to feel something, you know?

When I first started going out I got such a weird reaction from when I would do the gay stuff that for a couple months I would alternate between I had that straight set, and I would go out one night and I'd be like, "My wife Debbie, my wife Debbie," and then the next night I would go out and I would do the gay stuff, and after a couple months a comic pulled me aside and was like, "Are you gay or are you straight?

Which is it?"

And I was like, "Oh, well, I'm gay, but like sometimes it doesn't seem they like the gay stuff."

They were like, "Don't do that.

It's better that they just don't like you for being gay than for all of us to be confused as to what, what's going on."

My favorite Bible quote has gotta be Psalms 34:8.

(audience laughs) Which reads, "Taste and see that the Lord is good.

Blessed are he that take refuge deep inside of him."

Yeah, I don't know why I like that one.

It just kinda speaks to me, you know what I'm sayin'?

Look at their purple flowers, they look so good.

- See, those are the same things that are by that other mailbox.

- Oh that fell off?

- Wouldn't those be pretty?

- That's a lotta bush for very little flower return, though.

- I know, but it's really pretty.

- Yeah?

- I like it.

- Looks good.

Very lush.

Hey, we're back with another episode of "Straight People," the podcast for straight people by queer people 'cause straight people don't have what?

Enough.

They don't have enough.

They control everything, all the resources, all the governments of the world, all recorded history, all that stuff.

But we have this cute little podcast for them now.

We're coming to you live with our guest.

This is the big get for me, the biggest person I've ever gotten on a podcast: my husband Mr. Payne Broome, everybody.

Hello Payne.

- Hello.

- So, the night that Ian and I met, I'd gone out and I'd seen Ian.

I'd never seen him before, and I was like who is this guy?

I wanna talk to him.

- I saw Payne from, like, across the room and I literally had the, you know, oh!

I talked to him for a little bit.

I went to the bathroom, I came back, he was gone.

- [Payne] My friend had started, "Well, I wanna go.

Take me home."

Took my friend home.

I think I might have changed my shirt and I went back out.

- And then this other guy comes around who looks sorta like Payne but wearing a shirt I didn't like.

And so I'm like, mm, I don't think he's as cute as the other guy so I'm just gonna not worry about him and see if the other guy comes back.

And then when it finally dawned on me, I went up and I'm like, "Are you the same guy?"

And we started talkin'.

- Kinda had a late night, closed the bar down, hooked up.

I slept at his house.

- He broke my futon and the rest is history.

- [Payne] Fast forward 23 years and here we are.

- Other relationships other than me?

You wanna talk about anybody you dated along the way?

- I don't think so.

- [Ian] You don't think so?

- I mean it's been so long now.

- Some hookups and whatnot?

- [Payne] But I never really dated anyone.

- Interesting.

- So I'm your first, like, same sex.

I didn't realize that.

- Relationship.

Yeah.

- Yeah, I thought you had dated- - I'd hooked up with some guys.

- Yeah, - But I also wasn't looking for that.

You know, the day that I met you was the day that I had moved out from my straight roommate's and I had a gay roommate and I was moving to Midtown, which is- - The gay part of town.

- Exactly.

- You were about to gay it up.

You were right around the corner from the gay bar.

- I met you that same night, you know, and I was gonna have my fun and be a single gay man in the city.

- Right.

- And then you walked into my life four hours later.

- (chuckles) Wow.

That's so funny.

The first date we went on, he took me to the Mall of Georgia, which strike one, okay.

To run errands, strike two.

But they were for his little brothers, he had to buy them Christmas presents.

So I was like okay, take a strike back.

- [Payne] Christmas was the next Saturday.

- Yeah.

- It was the last Saturday that I could shop.

- And then I've been running errands with you literally ever since.

- [Payne] Ever since.

(bright music) - Thank you for doin' this.

- Yeah, absolutely.

Thanks for having me.

I love this spot.

- I sure hope whatever channel this is airing on is not looking for a young handsome comedian to follow for the next documentary.

- [Ian] They're obviously not.

They're making a documentary about me.

(group laughs) - [Emcee] We got a very funny man from Atlanta.

Ian Aber!

(crowd cheering) - I was talking to my straight friend the other day and he was telling me about his two twin 7-year-old sons who he doesn't let eat chicken tenders anymore because he doesn't let them eat any (beep) shaped foods.

This is the part of the show where I like to ask one straight man a question.

Is there a straight man?

- Yeah!

- You're straight?

- Yeah.

- Okay, I can tell.

(group chuckles) Okay, not counting your own (beep) and not counting pornography, how many (beep) have you seen in your life in real life?

- I say four.

- Of the four (beep) that you've seen, how many of them look like chicken tenders?

Zero!

And I had to tell my friend, I was like, "You know, if your (beep) looks like a chicken tender, let's not worry about what your kids are eating and get you to the (beep) hospital 'cause you have a disease that makes your (beep) look breaded.

But if your (beep) tastes like honey mustard, let's party, let's just do it."

(crowd cheering) (upbeat music) (upbeat music continues) When I first started booking they were literally like, "All of our audience is tourists.

It's all tourists."

Demographics were that less than 10% of people who come to the club come back, and that number has changed significantly.

Now we're like 40%, - (gasps) That's great!

- 30% come back.

(upbeat music continues) - [Ian] Every job that I've ever had, it's mostly straight men that are in charge of everything.

Some people, they're booking diverse because they don't want anyone to be mad at them about it and that's the only motivation they have.

And then I think there's other people that see the value in it because Atlanta is an incredibly diverse city.

It's good for business to make the lineups look like Atlanta.

- I've had several bookers, and whenever I hire a booker, I'm always like, "Hey, congratulations.

Now half of Atlanta comedy hates you."

You know, 'cause if you don't book it's like it's not their fault.

Just not that they're not funny.

It's like, "The booker doesn't like me."

- The regular day to day here kinda sucks, honestly.

Like, it's just another job.

Everything's a job.

We'll never have enough resource for all the people who want stage time here.

There's always gonna be more comedians than we can book.

So that can be very stressful.

- He probably has the job where you feel the least appreciated because you can't keep everyone happy.

There's only certain spots to go around at the Skull.

- Yeah, he does a lot considering the pressure.

I would not wanna do what he's doing.

- Absolutely not.

- Because, you know, to be a booker and then have to then like go out and like interact with everybody.

- Just 40 handshakes coming at you and people being like, "Oh yeah, no I sent in my avails."

- It's harder for a gay male comic I think to be booked than it is for a straight man.

And I think that Ian has really been instrumental here in Atlanta as a booker booking gay people.

- The marginal experience of being queer in the South, he makes that hilarious, you know?

As a fellow queer person in the South, I appreciate that.

- Everyone please put your hands together for Ian Aber!

(audience cheers) - I'm married.

My husband and I, we have been together for 22 years this year.

(audience cheers) I know some of you are doing that math and you're like, "Wait, gay marriage hasn't been legal for 22 years."

You got me.

Technically we've been (beep) for 22 years and our legal status has changed a couple times, you know?

We got married in 2009 when gay marriage was like limited edition.

And then in 2014 our marriage became legal when it became legal nationally everywhere.

And let's just see how long that lasts, right?

(audience chuckles) Let's see how Clarence Thomas feels about gay people next week, you know?

I hope he doesn't have a sassy mean gay waiter or we're all gonna lose our marriages.

(audience laughs) But if we do, I'm okay with that.

If we lose our marriage rights in the state of Georgia and we go back to not being married, then we're gonna go back to our original cover story which is we are two brothers that (beep).

(audience laughs) Which is slightly more palatable to people of Georgia is that we share DNA and not a deep undying love for each other.

(audience laughs and applauds) (somber music) - [Payne] Probably the biggest challenge about being a gay comedian is that a lot of bookers equate being gay with being dirty.

- When I first started that was all the advice I got, was go start a gay show in the gay room 'cause you're part of the gay scene.

And I was like, okay, and I did that.

I took that advice and I found that very sequestering 'cause it's like the true audience for comedy doesn't care whether you're gay or straight.

So why should you care whether they're gay or straight?

- When I started, it wasn't that many gay people doing it.

I had to be careful of saying certain things on the stage because it'll make the audience get quiet and nervous.

- I'm not doing anything different from a straight comedian, but I go up and tell a dating story about me and another man, how is that different from... You know, all the straight comics are doing jokes about their dating lives, about their exes, about their wives.

If I talk about my queer life in the same way, not anything explicit, just me talking about dating another man is considered dirtier than a straight comic talking about dating someone of the opposite sex.

- I know Ian can do clean and he can do dirty.

I feel for him, like, that's frustrating that you can't be yourself on stage and talk your truth without somebody just seeing your relationship as dirty, and all of a sudden you're deemed a dirty comic and that other people aren't gonna wanna hear what you have to say.

- I spent a long time being offended in comedy and I found that it was more useful for me to kind of like funnel that into creating my own shows, getting myself booked to other places, aligning myself with people who don't behave in that manner.

The scene that I started in was much more homophobic, and I think that now there's much less of that because there's so many queer people just in the scene in general.

You know, people younger than me have so much less reservations and issues with people being queer.

They don't care quite the same way.

And I think that makes it a lot more of a fun environment to be in and more accepting.

But like, definitely there's still issues that queer people experience in comedy.

My husband, he is from South Georgia.

He grew up around huntin' and guns, and he has a bunch of guns.

He has more guns than he has hands.

I've never understood that.

It's like you only have two hands, you only need two guns.

That's gun control right there for you.

I've solved the problem!

(audience laughs) I know some of you're thinking, "Well, why don't you carry some of the guns in your gun purse that he bought you?"

And he did.

He bought me a gun purse.

During the apocalypse, I'm like riding bitch, I guess, and I'm holding all the guns?

(audience laughs) I'm a pack mule during the apocalypse.

You'd think that, that I would be carrying some of these guns but I'm not allowed to touch any of the guns anymore.

Ever since we went to the shooting gallery, I made a fool of myself, I guess.

A straight guy hands me the gun and he says a bunch of stuff and I don't listen to him 'cause he's straight, so why would I, right?

And I don't realize that the gun had a bullet in it.

And they hand me the gun, the first thing I naturally do is the Charlie's Angels pose, right?

I'm like, "Oh my God, Charlie's Angels."

(giggling) And then they all start freakin' out, right?

And I'm like, "God, I'm just playing Charlie's Angels.

What a bunch of (beep).

Now who's gay?

God!"

(audience cheers and applauds) When I first started, it was like me, Brent, and one other gay person doing comedy.

"Georgia Voice" is, like, a newspaper.

They would do like the best gay things in the city.

You know, every year, the best drag queen, best gay singer.

And so I asked them to add comedian and they did, and I got nominated and Brent got nominated and the other person got nominated, 'cause there's only three of us anyways, and Brent won and he's won it every year since then.

So I literally created the award to lose to him every single year.

(jaunty music) I got a flat tire.

This is my second flat tire in two months.

Payne's also had two flat tires.

So we're just, it's flat tire season here in Atlanta.

So I'm trying to change the tire, but I have to figure out how to use the jack first.

(jaunty music continues) There maybe?

(jaunty music continues) Do you think I've jacked this enough or no?

- Let me see.

(dog barking) No.

- No?

- Uh-uh.

Here, hold the dogs.

(dogs barking) - Look at that.

See?

That's what I'm talkin' about.

I don't know how to do that.

There's also this little thing where if I do something wrong he'll just come in and fix everything, so.

Hold these nuts.

(nut clatters) Didn't hold that one.

- [Payne] Look at that poor tire.

- [Ian] I know, right?

- Right there.

Just keep tightening.

It will straighten itself.

- Is this a crowbar?

(dog barking) - [Payne] You come check my work?

- [Ian] And that's how you change a tire.

With lots of help.

(jaunty music continues) (jaunty music continues) Wow!

God, who knew this was down here?

Man, look at this.

So, I guess I could move those tables over and then I could have one light there, one light there.

Mm.

We got an hour.

(chuckles) Might as well play around.

All this little stuff, it really does matter when you turn the lights down.

Oh, ow, ow.

Oh, it burns.

Test, test, test.

(Ian groans) That's the best part of the show, is the waiting.

Hey, what's up, buddy?

- [Connor] Hey, what's going on?

- Connor, nice to see you.

- You, too.

- Welcome to Athens.

I'm still reacquainting myself with all the Athens comics because all the Athens comics I knew all moved to Atlanta.

What's up?

- Hey.

- Nice to see you.

(indistinct) All the comics are sitting at that table right there.

You wanna sit at that little side table over there?

- All right, next comic coming to the stage, Ian Aber, everyone!

(audience applauding and cheering) - Oh, you coulda clapped until I took the microphone, but you didn't do that.

(audience member cheers) Fine, (beep) y'all.

Okay.

I'm gonna let you take your moment to think about how much I look like Santa Claus.

Everybody done that?

Perfect, okay.

There was a guy in the front row who kind of (beep) my joke up.

But then there's also sorta the like, they interrupt you, like what's wrong with the joke?

Do you know what I'm saying?

Like, are you building a little space in the joke for them to say something?

And if you are, you gotta close that loop and yeah, yeah, yeah.

(tense music) - Anybody with a sane mind considers quitting comedy every week.

Especially when you bomb.

If you bomb really hard and you're having a really tough week in comedy, like, "I'll never be able to write anything again!"

- Standup works when you're true to yourself and you're honest and that's how you connect to people.

- We all have our up days and our down days.

You know, some days can be tough and you gotta go do a show, and you battle whether or not you are in that head space, like, whether or not you can deliver humor right now.

- A lot of people who struggle in life end up having to develop a sense of humor to, like, persevere and make their life more enjoyable.

Which brings me to Ian because it's like the type of people who make the most horrifying things hilarious, those are the true alchemists, right?

They turned actual (beep) into gold.

Like, how did they do that?

- [Ian] What did you think of that set?

- Um, thought it was good.

I didn't understand what was- - [Ian] You inflected up high there.

- I know, but I didn't understand what was going on.

- There were people walking into the room in the middle of the set and then those ladies interrupted me.

- So I saw you stop and address them, but I didn't realize what was happening.

But there was a lotta crowd work before your set.

- I know.

- You know, and that was sorta part of the problem, too.

- Like that was, something, part of the problem.

I knew you weren't happy.

- See?

Payne gets it.

And that's at least one person I don't have to explain it all to them 'cause they just understand.

(somber music) - He talks about things that are traumas that he's worked through.

To be able to kinda laugh at that and make a joke about that, and this is really important.

Comedy is about emotions and about what you're feeling and about what you're dealing with and going through.

- The last thing I do before I walk outta the house is I look in the mirror and I say, "You get to do this.

You don't have to do this."

If I've gotta go drive four hours to go do an hour, I remind myself that I've chosen all of these things.

Sometimes I shimmy while I say it.

It takes the sting out of the grind.

There's parts of comedy that are not fun.

You spend a lotta time standing around and waiting, and sometimes it's like you could be thinking, oh I could just be at home right now instead of waiting to perform for four people.

Or you could be like, "I've chosen this and this is gonna pay off at some point.

It doesn't feel like it right now, but it's going to."

The longer I do it, the deeper I feel like my connection to it is.

I wanted to be a regular at the Laughing Skull.

And now I, well, I book the club, so I think I overshot that one a little bit.

I wanted to record an album and I recorded an album.

I wanted to marry Payne and I married Payne.

I wanted to quit my day job and I have quit my day job.

I make a living in comedy.

It's a pittance, but I make a living.

In a perfect world, yeah, I would love to do "The Tonight Show."

You know, I don't have much of a platform, but I sorta do have one, and I think that most of what I have to say is positive and empowering and contemplative.

- Representin' Atlanta, y'all, very funny Ian Aber!

(clapping rhythmically) (audience cheers and applauds) - Hello.

Who's in therapy?

Who's in therapy?

Make some noise.

(audience members whoop) I started therapy after the pandemic.

I can't afford real therapy, though, 'cause I do this for a living and get paid primarily in quesadillas, (audience laughs) and sour cream is extra and mama always needs sour cream, you know what I'm sayin'?

So what I do is I go to the local university in Atlanta, Georgia State University, and I go to their psychology department and they have a little psychology clinic where they do their best, you know what I mean?

They're tryin'.

(audience laughs) And that's where I get my brain fixed, right?

Do you know that they have those cosmetology schools where you can go and an aspiring hairstylist slash meth head will give you crooked bangs and a bad perm?

I'm doing that for my mind at Georgia State University Psychology Department, right?

(audience applauding) They are trimming the bangs of my mind and they are fringy as (beep), okay?

They assigned me a psychology student and that's my therapist.

Yeah, so my therapist, she's 18 years old, her name is Jessikka with two Ks for some reason, and she's from Warner Robins, Georgia.

Yeah, so a lot of what we talk about to her is very surprising.

Like, I was sharing in session the other day and her response was, "Damn, you nasty."

(audience laughs) But then she went, "Oh, I mean go on."

So, like, you know, it's a collaborative... She's figuring it out, too.

It's great.

Some people might think that I'd have issues having, like, a 18-year-old therapist.

Like, I don't know, maybe the decades age difference might be a problem, but it's not.

Some might think the fact that my trauma is older than my therapist, like my trauma could be definitely her mama.

Do you know... (audience laughs) But that's not it.

The only issue that we really have is that my therapist, she happens to have a lazy eye, and I also have a lazy eye, so like the first 28 minutes of every session is just us establishing eye contact.

It's just, "What the (beep) are you lookin' at.

I'm over here.

Come on, bring it in.

Jessikka, follow my hand.

Follow my hand.

I'm right here.

I'm right here."

Have you ever seen two lazy-eyed people try to make eye contact before?

It's a mess, okay?

Our eyes just look like the marbles on a Hungry Hungry Hippo board, just rollin' around.

In the South they call being lazy-eyed cockeyed.

And I'm gay, so I'm definitely cockeyed, okay?

(audience laughs) I was raised very religious.

My mom, I remember one time we were driving in the car together.

"I Feel Pretty" had come on.

I was just hitting my solo and, like, doing my thing and she turns the music down and she goes, "You know, Ian, gay people burn in hell forever."

And I was like, "You know, we live in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina.

What's the difference, bitch?

What is the difference?"

My mom though, she'll occasionally, she'll call me and suggest things that I did when I was a kid for the comedy act.

And she called me recently and she left me this voicemail and she was like, "Oh, Ian, do you remember when you were eight years old and you took a Wheat Thin cracker and threatened to kill yourself if we didn't buy you a Barbie doll?"

I didn't remember that at all.

That's why I take all these drugs as an adult is to block every bit of that out, you know what I'm sayin'?

But I did, I took a Wheat Thin cracker, and I saw this on a soap opera.

Somebody threatened to kill themselves with a razor blade to get what they wanted, and I was like, I'm doin' that.

And I couldn't find a razor blade in the house, so I found the next best thing, a Wheat Thin cracker, the world's sharpest cracker, and I went into the kitchen and I held it to my thin, tender, 8-year-old wrist and was like, "I will bleed out on the floor right now if you do not give me a Barbie doll, old woman!"

But what I loved about all of that was the way my mom ended the message.

She was like, "And after that, we were afraid to keep Wheat Thins in the house.

(audience laughs) We became a Triscuits family after that."

(audience laughs) My name's Ian Aber.

That's my time.

Thank you so much.

(audience applauding and cheering) (bright jazz music) Bye, man!

(bright jazz music continues) ♪ ♪