Singers: ♪ Oh, whoa, oh, oh ♪ ♪ Oh, whoa, whoa ♪ [Wind blowing] [Birds chirping] [Bird caws] Man: The old saying that you're your brother's keeper, so when they're not here, you got to pick up the slack.

[Sniffles] Feels like a lifetime ago... and then... just like yesterday, I guess.

♪ [Chainsaw revving] ♪ [Chainsaw stops] ♪ [Sawing continues] ♪ ♪ Woman: Yes?

Uh-huh?

Manny: What's he got in here?

So he wants to be a Marine?

Show me some of his stuff.

Alexander: Here, let me show him something.

OK.

I think it's, like, a practice thing.

It's not real.

Ha ha!

Anthony only wears Marine t-shirts, by the way.

Everything he wears to school has the USMC on it.

Anthony, voice-over: I was a young kid that was, like, gung ho to go.

You want to join the military to go protect and serve, you know, and part of that serving is, you want to, like, fight or you want to go get in it, and then sometimes it happens.

Yeah.

[Helicopter passing] ♪ Man, voice-over: We knew we were going to Sangin, which at the time was the toughest spot in Afghanistan, so everybody was, like, hyper focused.

Savage, voice-over: I didn't have to get them motivated.

I just had to keep them going in the right direction.

♪ Anthony, voice-over: It was a bad place, but I'm very prideful that I served in Sangin District.

Sangin was just a totally different ball game.

It was just-- it was so many bombs.

♪ [Man shouts] ♪ [Explosion] Man: Holy ... Man, voice-over: Sangin was, like, the bloodiest Allied battle that they had in all of Afghanistan.

It was pretty gnarly.

Man, voice-over: I was looking for IEDs, explosives, every single day, and that takes a...big toll.

[Birds chirping] Man, voice-over: I mean, it was the land of poppy, and that's the source of the Taliban funding, so it was kind of the last stronghold that, you know, they wanted to hold on to.

It got really real, gunfights every day.

You know, every time you left the wire, you can almost guarantee you were gonna get in a gunfight.

Man, voice-over: It's now known as places like Belleau Woods... Iwo Jima... Inchon... Hue City.

Savage, voice-over: It just seems if you go back to the famous battles that the Marine Corps fought in, 1/5 always seems to be there.

Anthony, voice-over: You know, every unit has their saying.

With 1/5, our motto is "Make peace or die."

We're talking to the enemy.

We're telling the enemy, "Be peaceful, or we'll kill you."

Man: Holy ...

Here.

Anthony, voice-over: I knew it was a dangerous job because your main focus is looking for IEDs, roadside bombs.

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ Anthony, voice-over: I was good friends with him, talked to him every day.

He went down this road.

He got a hit on something, and he knelt down to investigate whatever it was, and that's when it detonated right in his face.

♪ ♪ You really don't have time to, like, grieve.

You have to be able to continue on when you just saw your best friend get blown up.

You have to be able to, like, put your gear back on and then go back out there and collect the body parts.

[Indistinct conversation] Savage, voice-over: After you take a casualty, either severely wounded or dead, that squad's just taken a face shot.

I mean, they're kind of reeling from this because these guys all know each other.

They've been sleeping in the same fighting holes.

They've been sharing the same chow.

They've been telling each other stories, and then that person is ripped away from their lives.

♪ Anthony, voice-over: I just feel like maybe it could have happened a different way if I would have been on that patrol.

Maybe he wouldn't have been killed.

Like, I had a responsibility, and I wasn't there.

♪ Our unit-- 1st Battalion, 5th Marines-- in a 5-month period, we had 17 Marines that were killed.

Anthony: We're gonna go see Greniger and his family, so for the 10th anniversary of his death tomorrow.

I remember the last thing I said to Frokjer, the last thing I said to O'Connor, the last thing I said to Freeman, the last thing I said to Joe Jackson, but I can't remember the last thing I said to Greniger.

It's always, like, really-- it's bothered me.

Woman: Anthony... Anthony: Hey.

how you doing?

Good.

Good.

Where?

No, who?

Oh, that's my brother.

Oh.

Woman: Greta, you want one, straight-up alcohol?

Ha ha!

Good.

You're driving me home.

Ha ha ha!

OK, Robert.

This is for you.

Look at all of us here for you.

We love you, we miss you... and we've got your favorite alcohol, and we'll all do it.

Amen.

There you go.

Boom.

Woman, voice-over: I was out trimming the bushes, and all of a sudden, my son Henry said, "Oh, we have company.

We have company," and I turned around, and I see this van and all the bling.

I knew immediately.

I looked at the shears, and I wanted to just ram them through me, be done.

Woman, voice-over: She went into a bad funk and basically sat on the couch in the dark with her drapes drawn for a year, not even watching TV or anything, just a silent, dark room because she had such a hard time accepting his death.

Teresa: Just hit me.

"I'm done."

I took a handful of one of my prescriptions and took a big handful and swallowed them down.

Right here, Battlefield Cross made by Anthony.

Anthony: That's 5 years old now.

Yeah.

Anthony, voice-over: May of 2016, I got a message on Facebook.

Greniger's mother Teresa had attempted suicide.

♪ This is the one that started it all.

It looks pretty good.

♪ Anthony, voice-over: When I found out about Teresa, what she tried to do, I felt like I was falling short.

♪ Her son is no longer here to check up on her or see how she's doing or send her a Mother's Day card.

It's like, What have I done to do that for him in a sense?

Yeah.

This will work.

Anthony, voice-over: Felt guilty, like I failed Greniger.

♪ I was trying to figure out, well, what could I do for Teresa.

It just came to me, and I was like, "Well, I should do a carving of the image of the Battlefield Cross."

It took about two days, drove through the night, and presented Grenadier's family with the carving.

From that point on, I was like, "Well, I need to do them for the rest of the families now."

[Chainsaw revving] ♪ They were all single deliveries, so I'd get on the road.

I'd drive to location, present the carving to the family, and then drive home and then plan the next one, so it took just under 3 years to complete all 17 deliveries.

It gave me a mission.

It gave me a purpose to pursue, to fulfill.

This is our Robert wall.

Oh, of Rob blowing up a wall?

Naw.

It adds character.

When we were driving by, I just put my hand on the window.

I love that so many people turned out and cared.

What's interesting is, you go through this, and you're the talk of the town for a year... Mhm.

and everybody wants to help you and do whatever you need, and then all of a sudden... it just stops.

That's a hard part.

♪ Slow.

♪ ♪ Manny: How many jumps have you done?

This next one'll be 603.

♪ Anthony, voice-over: When we got back from Afghanistan, we had a ceremony, a memorial ceremony with the Gold Star families and the Marines.

♪ I was scared.

I didn't want to, like, talk to any of the family members.

I just wanted to go back to my room.

♪ Later on, the platoon and some of the Gold Star families took a picture together, and I'm not in the photo because I went back to the barracks and I hid out.

♪ That struck me as I couldn't face the families in that moment.

♪ After hearing what Greniger's mother said, I came to the realization that the rest of the Gold Star families were in need of support, as well... ♪ so we decided to get on the road and to revisit the other 16 Gold Star families.

Manny: So this is day one?

Yeah, day one, the official day-one kickoff... 2021.

All right.

Let's do it.

All right.

♪ ♪ Are you nervous at all about this trip?

Yeah, a little bit.

I mean, it opens up a lot of things, and I'm just like, "Oh, I don't know if I'm ready to do this," but I can't wait any longer to do it.

♪ I don't know.

Sometimes you got to go back and revisit things.

♪ Anthony, voice-over: So out of the 17, I only knew 6 of them personally.

[Birds chirping] Joe Jackson was one of the 6.

♪ Joe and I were in the same company--Alpha Company.

We'd see each other in passing.

♪ When I learned that Jackson was killed, that's kind of when the war started for me.

[Chair scrapes] Anthony: I'm gonna use it as...

I'm gonna put yours over here.

Woman, voice-over: This is the last picture took of him before deployment, 4:00 in the morning.

Yeah.

Always remember that smile.

That's his genuine smile.

Man, voice-over: It was Easter Sunday, which, unfortunately, is Easter Sunday, so Easter Sunday is kind of, like-- Easter is just not a good time for us.

I think he was there maybe--maybe two weeks-- we don't even know-- maybe 10 days, and the stories I talked to the guys about, what we heard, was, Joe was invincible, like he was 20 feet tall.

You know, he would snap trees.

He was a Paul Bunyan.

That's the way they talked about him, and for him to be the first one, it hurt.

"All the guys keep saying, "'I can't believe we're here,' "or, 'I can't believe we're in Afghanistan.'

"What the ...?

"That ... getting annoying.

Where the ... did they think we were going?"

Manny: Was that his attitude?

Yes...

Yes.

Yeah.

definitely his attitude.

"We went on a patrol today, "my first patrol, the very last "for 3/5 Lima, 3rd Platoon.

"The kids want chocolate, "and for us to blow up.

"They don't know any better.

"2/8 are just down the road.

"They took contact.

"All the guys got excited and trigger-happy.

"They just want to shoot bad guys and kill bodies, "get medals, be a war hero.

"That's ... dumb.

"If we take contact, one of us can die-- "Soil, Big Black, Gonzo, Tony, or myself dead.

There's nothing cool or heroic about that."

[Plastic rustling] I want to donate this to Anthony.

Anthony, voice-over: So for each family we go to, we're collecting a piece of uniform item that belonged to their sons...

So I'm just trying to piece it together, but this is a big piece that I need for all the stuff to go on, so I'll take... Anthony, voice-over: so the next family, we'll try to get something else.

Man: Here.

You can take this, too.

Anthony, voice-over: I'm trying to make a complete dress blue uniform compiled of something that belonged to each Marine, and my hope is that one day, that we'll get this displayed in the National Museum of the Marine Corps.

Anthony: Shawn, why are you willing to give that up?

Shawn: Well, Joe was the first.

It should be the one that leads the way.

You know, he led the way into heaven, might as well lead the way into the museum.

I mean, I couldn't think of a better way to honor Joe as to-- for his dress blues.

I mean, I can't fit them... Ha ha!

oh, and I tried.

Ha ha ha!

♪ ♪ [Birds chirping] ♪ Anthony: What is it?

Manny: Jarrell, Texas.

Jerrell?

Jarrell.

Like J-e-r-a...?

J-a-r-r... Oh, Jarrell?

That's really close.

Anthony, voice-over: Um, so we stopped in Jarrell, Texas, and we're going to see Penny and Felix, the parents of John Farias.

Penny: Well, hi.

Hi.

How are you, Mr. Anthony?

Happy birthday, Penny.

Oh... Oh, thank you.

You're welcome.

Anthony, voice-over: We're also gonna meet up with Robert Dominguez.

Anthony: How's it going?

How you doing?

Good.

Anthony, voice-over: Dominguez was a Marine with us, and he was close to John.

We planned it out to where he would be there with the family at the same time that we're there.

Robert told me he could never, like, bring himself to see John's grave.

Yeah, Trevino.

Anthony: Trevino?

Yeah.

Oh, look at these guys.

Isn't that, cute?

That's John here, and then there's Nate Mullet.

Dominguez, voice-over: The Farias family means a lot to me.

You know, I was there with their son, and we were in the same squad, and, you know, we had many firefights together.

Man: All right.

Good to go.

Dominguez, voice-over: It's just like another day.

Philips... Where you at?

wave to the camera.

Dominguez, voice-over: We were out on patrol, taking fire at the time.

[Machine gun fire] A mortar round.

It's crazy, you know?

♪ Dominguez, voice-over: We were all there trying to find out where he was hit, and then when we knew that he was killed, it just got silent.

♪ You know, I've been holding this in for 10 years, and it's just been a big weight, you know?

♪ I had a lot of anxiety, and on the drive there, I started to build up more and more.

I honestly wanted to throw up.

[Birds chirping] ♪ I told his mom and dad that I was there, and I don't think they were aware that I was there with him when we had got in that fight.

♪ ♪ It's-- it's painful.

♪ ♪ My one and only son.

♪ ♪ ♪ Woman, voice-over: One of the things Anthony told me a week before he deployed, you know, he just said, "We're gonna tell our grandkids "we're the tip of the spear, "you know, "and we're going into something that we don't know how it's gonna end up."

[Indistinct conversation] Having fun?

Yeah, sure.

Where are you gonna sleep, right here?

Kellie, voice-over: I think Anthony had an advantage because, I think, like, a bad day, you know, no matter what, he had this little creature he had to take care of.

Anthony, voice-over: I was a dog handler.

I had a bomb dog.

Here.

[Whistles] Anthony, voice-over: It was the thing that I enjoyed the most in my 5 years in the Marine Corps, was being a handler.

You have that dog that you can rely on or fall back to and, like, you don't have to converse with another human.

You can just have that relationship with the dog.

We were doing bulldozer security, and the bulldozer was, like, tearing down compounds and walls.

♪ I was driving a 7-ton.

Allie was in the floorboard... ♪ and I hit a 40-pound IED with the right passenger front tire.

[Explosion] I just remember it was, like, I was driving, and then it was just like an instant sandstorm.

The truck lifted up, and everything was brown because all the dust.

Everybody was kind of dazed or a little rocked, whatever, but nobody was missing limbs or unconscious.

♪ Allie was fine.

♪ Nothing really happened to me.

Supposedly, I got a concussion.

It was a slight TBI, a traumatic brain injury, but I had no physical injuries.

♪ Manny: You said something to me like he came back, but he came back different, so did Anthony really come home really, anyway?

I mean, it's a different Anthony.

You can kind of tell he had a hard time getting back in with society.

Like, lot of times, he don't show up to certain things, you know, like Thanksgiving and Christmas stuff.

He'll just, like-- "You coming over?"

"No."

And, "Well, you're just right next door."

"Yeah.

I know, but I'm not coming," or whatever, so-- Anthony, voice-over: I live in the house next to my parents', and there was times that I used to think about suicide... and I would think, "Well, if I'm gonna shoot myself, "I'm not gonna do it here because I don't want them to have to come find me"... and there was-- there was two times I put a gun in my mouth.

♪ A lot of my friends are amputees and they're missing limbs or whatever, and I'm like, "What the ... is my problem?"

Why can't I just pull my head out of my ass and be happy about things because I'm mobile and I'm not missing a leg or an arm or anything like that?

Like, why am I so bummed out all the ... time?

♪ A lot of people come back carrying the memories, and it's weird.

Like, it haunts you, but you kind of miss being there at times.

[Birds chirping] [Rooster crows] Being on the road, traveling the country, Marines were finding out about our trip, and they wanted to meet up with us.

It was the first time I met Bobby.

They're all ready to charge.

Ha ha!

Bobby: He's a little grumpy, but-- Bobby, voice-over: A fire fight is definitely a love/hate relationship, I would say.

Once that first round cracks off, nothing else matters.

You know you're alive at that point.

When you come home... you can feel really dead inside.

♪ McHugh, voice-over: I was doing all right for a while, just kind of got lost in time with suppressing my emotions with the wrong substances.

♪ You think you're good.

You're not.

♪ I had actually, uh... rolled myself up in my poncho liner and put my GLOCK 27 to my head and pulled the trigger, and it never went off.

♪ I couldn't understand why it didn't.

I was so ... just frustrated, and I just broke down.

I immediately called my mother.

I said, you know, what had happened and I needed help.

That's where I ended up finding the horses, and, you know, that was my new drug.

They can't lay down for that long period of time, just the pressure on the hoof.

Manny: You know, this "Make peace or die" thing when we're talking to these Marines, some of them are dealing with so many issues, I think part of this mission is, we have to help these guys make peace or they could die.

♪ Anthony, voice-over: You have to, like, figure out ways to deal with things, figure out like healthy ways to deal with things.

Allie: [Panting] ♪ Anthony, voice-over: I actually adopted her in 2014.

Make sure it's her.

[Whistles] I don't know if she remembers me.

Heel.

Manny: Stay out there for a little.

Look at her just lean against you, dude.

[Beep beep] ♪ Anthony, voice-over: She went through everything I went through.

Drop it.

Drop it.

Anthony, voice-over: She got blown up.

She's been shot at, grenades thrown at her.

[Beep] Me and her were always together.

Forward.

♪ [Beep beep beep beep] ♪ Come here.

Good girl.

Good girl.

♪ Anthony, voice-over: It's whatever you find that helps you push through some of the struggles and continue on.

♪ [Birds chirping] Man: I was going to get dressed.

Woman: He wants to start the interview so you can't.

Y'all in a hurry, so you need to... You can talk.

get dressed.

You've got to remember how you've done it before.

Back up again.

I'm teaching him-- No.

Ha ha ha!

Still smutty now.

I was scared to wet it.

I was going to.

I wiped it down.

You see the flames back here behind here?

That was coming out of EJ's room, and the next thing we know, this fireman is coming out with this, and I said, "Oh, my God, it made it."

It's something that was not taken away from me, you know?

You've got memories, and you got something that someone put their heart and soul into that came because they loved your son also, even if they never knew him.

Woman, voice-over: I have talked with the guys that were with EJ.

I wasn't so sure how I was gonna handle that.

There was this young Marine there, and he started telling me what a great Marine EJ was, how great EJ was at his job... and I lost it.

I went off on that young man.

"If my son was so damn good, what the hell happened?"

And he stood back, and he said, "Ma'am, God."

"God happened"... and that was it, and I really lost it then.

Woman: That's EJ.

He went to Iraq 5 times.

He went to Afghanistan twice.

It was a tough situation, my son going every 6 months, didn't know if he was gonna come back or not, didn't know if I'd be able to talk to him or not because in the areas that they sent him, they were pretty bad places.

He had a bad job.

Uh-huh.

Explosive ordnance disposal.

EJ is one of these nonchalant guys.

It was like nothing fazed him.

"I walk straight in or walk straight out.

"I don't care.

I mean, I've nothing to lose but my life."

He didn't feel right about killing people, but he knew he had to protect... and his main thing was, when he was with his men, he had to protect them.

♪ Woman, voice-over: I always heard him tell these guys before he left and they'd get on them buses, "OK, boys.

We're going over there.

"You might not come back with all your body parts, but you're coming back alive," and he brought all the men back with the exception of one, and that one was killed after EJ was killed, and that was Dan Patron.

♪ Man, voice-over: I didn't want him to go because he wasn't of age, and he wanted it.

I said, "Dan, I'm not signing."

The recruiter says, "Well, what do you like to do, Dan?"

And he says, "I like to play the drums."

He says, "Well, how about we put you in for the band, Marine Corps band?"

When I heard that, I thought, "Yeah.

OK. Yeah, a band.

Yeah.

That's cool," and that's how I picked up the pen and did what I did, so he re-upped, and he took what they call a lateral move, and he went into the EOD.

♪ The--what do they call it, the crab?

Woman: It's the EOD crab.

Man: Kathy says, "Well..." "What's EOD?"

"what's EOD?"

"It's explosive ordnance disposal, Mom."

I said, "Aw, Dan," I said, "don't do that."

He said, "I'll be fine, Mom."

I said, "Danny, please."

He said, "I'll be fine, Mom."

♪ Woman, voice-over: The day that our son was deploying, we actually went down to North Carolina to see him off.

Before I left, he had some dirty laundry, and I grabbed one of his t-shirts, and I still have it, and it smelled like his dirty, sweaty self, but it doesn't smell like him anymore.

I've lost that.

♪ I'll just take the belt.

This was the one that he was wearing in the casket?

Yeah.

♪ Man, voice-over: Yes, yeah, several times... ♪ but he didn't listen to me.

That's what he wanted to do.

He wanted to go over there and help.

♪ Anthony: My dad tried to get me to join the Coast Guard, but I didn't want to, wanted to join the Marine Corps, so-- Anthony, voice-over: I feel like my dad, he probably said that because we were in an active time of war, so he wanted me to go that route instead of the other one.

Anthony: Uh-uh.

No.

He never has.

No.

Tommy: When you join, you know what you're getting into pretty much, so I just figured, "Well, they're sending him over there, then just got to accept it and move on."

All the other people you interviewed, you know, their son's not around anymore where Anthony's still here.

I don't know.

I guess you just-- I always just thought you dealt with it when it came to that, you know, which it never did come to that, so didn't have to deal with it.

I think that's fine.

Yeah.

Anthony, voice-over: Heading to Arlington right now to go to a service of one of the guys 10 years later.

I guess sometimes things take time.

That's it.

Now stay there.

Stay together.

Don't move.

Anthony, voice-over: That was a nice service, first military burial that I actually got to experience and be a part of, and so-- Man: [Singing in native language] So that's my son's name over here.

He made-- Anthony: Oh, thank you.

Yes, thank you very much.

Have you ever been sitting over here and somebody come and talk to you about this?

Oh, many people when I come over here, then they talk to me because of my appearance, and then I told them it's my son who died in Afghanistan.

♪ The thing is that he had to take off turban... Anthony, voice-over: Sitting at that bench with Singh's father was a reminder that small acts of remembrance are essential to each of these families.

[Birds chirping] ♪ Man: Welcome to our home, guys.

Woman: Yeah.

Our daughter calls it our Nic museum, and we're good with that.

The way Nic conducted himself right... Man, voice-over: I realize it might seem a little odd to a lot of people, but we feel comfortable in here.

♪ He would think it was way overdone.

He would think we were out of our minds.

♪ I find myself often wondering what his life would be like right now.

He was just getting to the age of a young man where he and I were starting to slowly transition from the father-son relationship to being friends, you know, and I kind of-- that's one of the things I miss the most, is not having him as a friend now.

♪ Man, voice-over: Being a Gold Star father, to me... it's a club that no one wants to belong to...

It means I got a big hole in my chest.

Woman: It's really hard to speak about Jared, but even though it's hard for us to speak, that's what we want to do.

We want to say his name: Jared.

Jared.

Jared.

I want to hear it come out of your mouth.

When I heard it come out of your mouth, it was like music to me.

It's music to my ears to hear you, a complete stranger, say his name.

It's beautiful.

The minute Jared would talk about coming home, he would say, "Hey, Mom, I'm coming home this weekend."

My daughters, they had their own plans, but if brother was coming, those plans were canceled.

We didn't realize how much the center of our family he was.

Well, here's the bluebird.

When he came into the house, he sat on a little metal piece right here, and it says "Lance Corporal Jared Cameron Verbeek."

I went down to touch, and Travis says, "Don't touch it!

It's probably sick."

And Travis went down to look at it, and the bird just-- Jumped up on my arm.

On his arm.

Everyone from the church came to see him.

They wanted to meet the bluebird.

They were hoping the bluebird would land on them, but he wouldn't.

He'd only land on family members.

Travis: There's Jacob, Jared's son.

I just love that the bird is right next to him, following him.

Look.

Jacob was 18 months old when Jared was killed.

Yeah.

♪ Anthony: When I think of the guys that had kids, that's a child that's gonna grow up not knowing who their father was.

♪ That's one of the harsh realities of war, I guess.

♪ Woman: This was his great-great-grandfather's.

He was a lieutenant in the Civil War.

It usually goes to the oldest son, and Josh was our only boy, and now Josh has two boys, and that's Josh holding Wyatt, and Cody is right there.

When Cody was in school, he says, "I can't wait till I grow up and have a family, and then I'll die," because that's what his grandfather did and his dad did.

He didn't realize that that's not the norm.

[News program plays on radio] Reporter: Thousands of Afghan allies who are desperate to escape the Taliban with no clear way how to do it.

This is truly a stunning ending to those 20 years of fighting the Taliban, knowing we are now leaving it back in their hands after... Anthony: There was one family that it almost seemed like his mother really didn't want to have anything to do with me.

That's her right there.

You wouldn't want to be interviewed, would you?

OK. Man: My platoon commander had come and woke me up.

I didn't want to believe it because I knew that we were 15 days from leaving.

He had almost made it.

Woman: What did all our boys die for... Woman: No.

I mean, I lost my, you know-- Paula: No, no.

I mean, God, that's such a hard question.

Like, you can't--I mean, for our country, like, "Wow.

Yes," and then but, like, losing like, one of my best friends, like my childhood best friend?

No.

I'm madder than hell about all of it, the way this was handled, them departing.

And was Michael's death worth it?

I'll be real careful with this.

Had we stayed and done the right thing, yes.

His death would have been worth it.

Man: It's bothersome.

I honestly think that-- there was a national goal of slaughtering the Taliban and returning Afghanistan to the Afghans was a righteous thing, but by '04, that was done.

so why were we there after that?

And largely, I think it's a huge waste.

Yes, very much so.

I don't.

I try not to think about it all the time.

It's hard not to.

Yeah.

I'm still proud of what he did.

I'm proud of what they all did, but it just feels like... [Exhales] What did we accomplish in the end?

Yeah, yeah.

The Taliban owned Afghanistan.

We took it back, and they've got it again.

And I don't fault anybody on the ground that fought it because the missions were done.

They made a difference.

♪ [People speaking Arabic] ♪ Man: "My dearest Grandma, I received your card today.

"I know God hears your prayers, "and I will continue to seek him as well.

"I do believe God is with me on these long patrols "through the poppy fields, and on the long, cold nights we wait in ambush."

♪ "My life is in His hands and I trust in Him."

♪ "I know He is with me now and will be waiting for me hereafter."

♪ "He helps me through the unknown and uncertainty."

♪ "I marvel at His creation every day..." ♪ "with every sunrise and every sunset."

Man, voice-over: "When I look out into the distance, I thank Him for every day I am here."

♪ "And I thank you for your prayer."

Man: Say "As-salaam alaikum."

As-salaam alaikum.

Man, voice-over: "But, Grandma, it is not just me that could use your prayer."

[Conversation in Arabic on video] Uh-huh.

You're cute.

You know that?

"Can you please pray for the innocent children?"

[Children laughing on video] "They live each day trying to live to see the next day."

♪ "They are no different from my own children "and have a God-given right to live in peace and happiness.

Your grandson, Sergeant Adan Gonzales Jr." Yeah, I do.

[Man makes buzzing noise with lips by blowing] ♪ [Indistinct chatter] Hi.

Hi.

How are you?

How are you?

I...

I... love... love... you.

you.

I...

I... love... love... chocolate.

chocolate.

Anthony, voice-over: I do wonder where some of those kids are that would come get candy from us or follow us around when we were on patrols-- what ever happened to them, where they're at now... Dominguez: No chocolate, man.

As-salaam alaikum.

if they're still alive, if they're you know, what their life is now.

♪ [Kids speaking excitedly] ♪ [Knock on door] Hey.

Hey.

How are you?

Hi, guys.

So just do, like--I just brought pancake mix and then eggs and bacon, so... Woman, voice-over: We had a age gap between us, which I had never dated younger ever, and when we discovered this age gap, I freaked out a little bit, and he said, "Give me the courtesy "of getting to know me first.

I'm an old soul."

Ha ha!

I said, "OK." You know, so when I met him, I mean, he was barely out of being 20, 21, you know, and I was approaching 30, 31.

So it was like, "What are you doing?"

Like, "This is crazy!"

But it just felt so right, and it was.

"All the Ways I Love You."

He bought all the recorder stories he could find before he left.

I think I tried to listen to one of these, and I didn't do very well.

I remember I didn't make it through the whole book.

Daddy on recording: "All the Ways I Love You": a Gift for Katelyn and Dougie, read to you by Daddy.

Daddy on recording: I love you closer than your shadow.

I love you farther than the sun.

I love you especially when you are quiet, and I love you when you are loud, like a little plant in a log...

He sounds a little country.

He is.

You never told me that.

He's from Plant City.

Ha ha!

I don't know where that is.

Katie: It's in the country.

Daddy on recording: I love you, too, when the raindrops fall one by one... ♪ Wow.

My hands just started shaking.

Daddy on recording: I love you like the honeybees love buzzing round a flower... Katie: For Katelyn for her first birthday party, Doug picked out this really pretty ladybug cake because he used to call her ladybug.

We were hoping to hear from him on the birthday, and, uh, we didn't get to hear from him that day.

♪ I had Doug in my lap, and he was 10 days old at that point.

Katelyn started pointing at the window, and we looked outside, and the government car had pulled in, and the lights were flashing, and they helped me get up, and I got to the door, and they were all standing there, just like you see in a movie.

♪ I finally looked at them.

I'm like, "You know it's my daughter's birthday today.

This can't be happening today."

♪ Standing in the rain, I dropped down to my all fours out in the front yard, and I started gripping at the ground, just digging my fingers in it, and I don't know if it was a distraction or what-- and those wailing sounds that you only make when your feelings, they're coming out, like all of that coming out.

♪ Katie: My entire world just got shattered, completely shattered into a million pieces.

I don't have the father of my children.

I don't have my best friend.

I don't have my lover.

I don't have my leader.

I don't have my husband.

I don't have any of that anymore.

It's gone like that.

That doorbell rang, and it was gone.

♪ ♪ Woman: While he was deployed, we would hear from him-- very short calls about every 10 days.

Kyle called home.

He said, "Hey, Mama."

and I could tell his tone was very somber, and they had lost somebody on that day on one of their missions.

He said, "We're gonna go right back out "for another mission, but I wanted to let you know-- "I know you hadn't heard from me.

I need you to know something."

And Kyle said... "If there's ever a day "that two Marines pull in the driveway, "I want you to know that you are the best mom I could've ever had."

So on the morning of June 30th, a car pulled in our driveway.

I thought it was just a turn-around.

We live in the country, so I thought it was a turn-around.

Then I realized they were coming closer, and then I realized they were in uniform, and I walked to the door, and I told them they had the wrong driveway, that they needed to back out and find the right address because they didn't have the right address.

Jared's mother: My oldest daughter was in her bedroom with her window open, and she saw the 3 officers walking, and she just screams, and she runs into the bedroom... Yeah.

and she's like, "Mom, no!

Mom, no!"

And I walk out, and I see Travis, and I'm like, "No, no."

And they're like, "Ma'am, sit down."

And I'm like, "No.

I'm not gonna sit down.

No.

Get out!

I don't want to hear this.

No."

♪ Anthony: I almost questioned if what I was doing was the right thing to do, because I felt like I was bringing the families more pain than healing.

Translator: ¿Ya a los diez aqos, como esn?

Como el primer d que supimos.

Mother: No, no lo vamos a recuperar-- a superar nunca, porque para nosotros, va a ser nuestro hijo toda la vida.

Manny: Is it hard when someone like Anthony shows up?

Do you like seeing Marines, or is it hard for you?

Mother: Yo veo la cara de mi hijo en ellos.

Cuando veo tambiin un soldadito que esta vestido, a me dan ganas de abrazarlo, porque en cada uno de ellos, yo veo a mi hijo.

Anthony: Do they keep in contact with any of the Marines he served with?

Mother: No, yo quisiera.

Father: No, no conocemos a nadie.

Anthony: Like, still to the day, they don't?

Nobody talks to 'em or anything?

Norberto's father: No.

Nunca conocido.

No.

Nada.

Mother: Cuando nos trajeron las cajas, ahvenia el Rosario y venia La Biblia.

Manny: Do you know what his favorite Bible passage was?

Norberto's cousin: Yeah, Salmo 91.

Yo me lo apren, porque el me dijo que rezara el Salmo 91, que el me lo dejo.

Y el Salmo 91 lo rezo por todos ellos, los que esn vivos y los que ya se fueron.

Mother: que habitas al amparo del Alsimo y resides a la sombra del Omnipotente, dile al Seqor, "mi amparo, mi refugio, mi Dios, en quien yo pongo mi confianza."

El te librar del lazo del cazador y del azote de la desgracia.

Te cubri con sus plumas y hallas bajo sus alas un refugio.

No temer los miedos de la noche... Anthony: I wish more Marines would try to build a relationship with these Gold Star families.

♪ You're gonna get it in your drink.

I don't care.

Ha ha!

♪ How you cut this thing here... Anthony, voice-over: The Mendez-Hernandez family in Logan... in 10 years, there hasn't been one Marine that came to visit them.

♪ I still remember June 30th, 10:32, the biggest explosion I've ever heard, and then I saw Chad.

I was like, "Man!"

I saw everything that was going on, everybody trying to work, trying to talk to him.

I'm like, "What's your son's name?

"What's your mom's name?

What's your dad's name?"

I was--you know, you would do anything.

"Just keep him awake."

He pretty much looked-- he looked at himself, looked at himself over, and he looked at us, and he was like, "Guys, let me go."

♪ I don't know what to say about his family.

I feel bad because I don't call them every day or weekly or whatever, but I don't know what to say to 'em.

♪ Hello.

Hey.

How are you?

Good.

I can carry that.

All right.

there you go.

All right.

Thank you.

I could barely get him through high school, and then when he became a Marine, Chad was like--they always referred to like a book of knowledge.

If it was his dream, he was so smart.

And this photo meant every-- He just thought he was a movie star.

Ha ha!

He loved it.

He was so proud of that.

Father: Chad had called me and he said that, "Dad, they're sending me into--" He said the last group of Marines that were down there, there was 50 Marines that were lost, and I said, "Well, get out of the Marine Corps and come home."

[labored breathing] Manny: You're not gonna go with Anthony?

No.

Why don't you want to be there?

[Whistles] Come on, Allie.

Come on.

Just one more time.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Oof.

Come on, girl.

Oh, yeah.

There we go.

Come on.

Lay down.

Nope.

You got to stay.

You got to stay here.

OK. Let's go.

Come on.

[Indistinct chatter] [Person sobs softly] Thank you, Allie.

Man: Thank you for your service.

You can come in behind us.

You want me to come behind you?

Yeah.

Love you, buddy.

Do you want to come in?

Come in behind us.

Thank you, sweetheart.

[Woman chokes up] I want to look her in the eyes one more time.

There you go.

Anthony: Allie, I love you.

[Kiss] I love you.

♪ ♪ Pull this over.

♪ Anthony, voice-over: She really helped me a lot.

♪ I'm really gonna miss her.

♪ It's like a--it's like-- I don't know, like, my heart's just-- ♪ ♪ I'm tired of feeling this way.

Like, I'm tired of being, like, in a low point, or just feel like I'm lost.

♪ ♪ Man: They say in combat, the Marine gets a thousand-yard stare.

I will tell you that I will take that stare over the stare of a mother at the door when she opens that door, especially if the kids are with her and they're trying to understand what's going on, and they have no clue, you know?

I think of the 5 year old.

Huh.

We roll up in our government vehicle, we get out, we start heading to the house.

You can see people outside start looking your way because they recognize the uniforms.

Within 3 seconds--2 to 3 seconds of that door opening, you know who they are anyways, because if it's a mother, her family-- her face will look puzzled for a minute, and in that flash of two seconds, she realizes why you're there, and her face just freakin' drops.

Sometimes they're extremely mad at the government and the world for taking her son, and you take that abuse.

Sometimes they just break down in tears.

Everyone's different.

A few days later, we come out to the airport with the hearse, the entire world shows up.

That line will go on for hours and hours and hours.

Everybody is coming from everywhere.

They all go home back to their families and the town starts to gradually forget.

You know, initially they're taking care of the mother and they're helping them out, and they see them at the stores.

They're buying them groceries or whatever.

The whole town, the whole country continues with its life because it wasn't their son.

Their families come here to visit.

We have flags from the funerals.

We have, you know, the flags from the fire department that flew it at Ground Zero... Man: We're at 1st Sergeant Grainger's barn, He calls it the Charlie Company Tavern.

Their pictures are all around on the walls here.

There's memorabilia from all different parts of wars and different things like that.

Guys come up here all the time.

The door is always open, and when you got to get away or clear your head, this is where we come.

Grainger: You brought 17 fellow Marines with you tonight, and the barn is a place that we hang your name, so they're not forgotten.

So with the ring of the bell, we bring all your Marines and their attachments from 1st Battalion, 5th Marines, to the barn.

[Ring] Welcome aboard, boys.

Grainger: It seems so insignificant in a world so big, but it means the most to that one person who lost that little bit of the world.

♪ Manny: Do you feel like you're making peace?

♪ Yeah.

I'm trying to.

♪ After visiting all the 17 Gold Star families on the trip, I realized that they could all benefit by being together.

♪ I had this idea that I wanted to give a carving to my old unit.

And one place that we could do that was at Camp Pendleton... ♪ It's a place where we can all go honor the sacrifice of their son and share in that moment with them.

♪ [Indistinct chatter] Man: He was my senior in Nawa.

Yeah.

I was like, "Same year?"

He was like, "Same year."

Yeah.

Man: You're hiking, right?

Come on, man.

Ha ha!

Savage: Good morning, sir.

How are you?

Are you ready, General?

We'll see.

We'll see how this thing goes.

It's gonna be good.

So I was just telling these guys, haven't been up on this thing since-- haven't climbed the ridge since I left the battalion in 2012.

You can see from the people that have turned out, I mean, old 1/5 people.

Some people that weren't in the 1/5 are out here.

It's a powerful event that we're gonna be doing this morning.

♪ Savage: That piece of wood that he carved, in 50 years from now, when we're all dead, that thing's still gonna be part of the battalion.

♪ This will keep people aware of this and remembering these guys long after we're all gone.

♪ Because my brother would kick my ass if I took the ride up with my mom, so it's an honor to be able to hike up there for him and the 17 Marines.

♪ ♪ Jared's mom: The pain doesn't go away.

You learn to live with it.

But you know how they say that "you get one stick and you break it, it's easy"?

Try to get two sticks.

It's a little harder.

♪ These are 17 sticks.

We're all holding onto each other.

♪ On Jared's very first birthday after he passed away, everyone's singing "Happy Birthday," and it's just, I can't handle it.

I sneak out through his bedroom, and his Cub Scout hat falls down, and a letter falls out of it, and it's a poem.

And I grabbed that poem like, "Why did he put this in here?"

That little hat he had, he left us something.

♪ Travis Verbeek: "To my dearest family, some things I'd like to say, but first of all, to let you know that I've arrived OK." ♪ "I'm writing this from heaven, where I dwell with God above.

There's no tears or sadness.

There's just eternal love."

♪ "Please do not be unhappy just because I'm out of sight.

Remember that I'm with you every morning, noon, and night."

♪ "That day I had to leave you "when my life on earth was through, God picked me up and hugged me, and He said, 'I welcome you.'"

Hey, Nikki, take us up.

What's that?

You're leading us up.

Let's go.

Travis: "There are rocky roads ahead of you "and many hills to climb, but together we can do it, taking one day at a time."

Man: Just go right here and you're gonna be able to look down and see them.

Oh, yeah.

See them?

Chad's mother: I'm waiting for my daughter to get up here.

This is a proud thing for her.

She said her brother would be proud of her.

♪ Travis: "Then God gave me a list of things "He wished for me to do, "and foremost on that list of mine is to watch and care for you."

♪ We won't miss it for anything.

We have to honor our son.

♪ Travis: "I wish that I could tell you "of all that God has planned, but if I were to tell you, you wouldn't understand."

♪ "And I will be beside you every day and week and year, "and when you're sad, I'm standing there, wipe away the tear."

♪ "And when you feel that gentle breeze "or the wind upon your face, "that's me giving you a great big hug or just a soft embrace."

♪ .

Come.

Come on in.

Travis: "But one thing is for certain through my life on earth is o'er..." Travis: "I'm closer to you now than I ever was before."

♪ "And I will always love you from the land way up above."

♪ "We'll be in touch again soon.

P.S.

God sends his love."

♪ Norbert... vinimos a verte.

Aq est tus compaqeros.

Tambiin vinieron aqu a apoyar.

Right here.

Here we go.

Chad's Mother: All right, Nik.

[Breathing heavily] Whoo!

You did great.

♪ Appreciate you.

♪ Anthony: I mean, I never thought this would be the path that I would take.

♪ What path is that?

♪ In a sense, like caring for their families.

It's important that he came.

I'm glad he was able to see-- to see Pendleton, where I used to live, meet the Marines, meet families, and then come up here and see all this and be a part of it, and... understand, I guess, more.

Manny: What do you think about what Anthony's doing today?

All these people are here because of Anthony.

How does that make you feel?

Proud of him.

[Chuckles softly] Makes me feel good.

Put it on this rock.

I carried some of Allie's ashes with me.

I figured she'd give me some strength to, like, complete what we're doing.

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ Singers: ♪ Oh, whoa, oh, oh ♪ ♪ Oh, whoa, whoa ♪ ♪ Oh, whoa, whoa ♪ ♪