♪ ♪ Time to earn your keep like the rest of us.

♪ ♪ SIEGFRIED: The animal always comes first.

(neighing loudly) JAMES: I couldn't let that poor animal suffer.

(distant gunshot) What have you just done?!

CALVERT: Herriot the Horse Killer.

Everyone will forget eventually.

JAMES: If my diagnosis was correct.

Absolutely nothing you could have done for him.

RANSOM: If you want this job, he'll have to go.

Do we have an understanding?

Herriot's the best assistant I've ever had.

I won't betray him for anything.

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ (birds twittering) ♪ ♪ (phone ringing) Darrowby 2297.

FRANÇOIS (on phone): Hello, Mrs. Pumphrey's butler here.

Yes, François-- flop-bott again?

FRANÇOIS: Non, Tricki's struggling to breathe.

JAMES: Oh, that does sound bad.

FRANÇOIS: Mrs. Pumphrey would like you to come.

All right, I'll...

I'll be there as soon as I can.

FRANÇOIS: Merci, thank you.

TRISTAN: Maggie!

Maggie, come on, wake up.

It's 7:00.

Oh, bugger!

TRISTAN: I'll see you later.

If you're in the pub.

(kisses): See you later.

(doorbell ringing, Jess barking) MRS. HALL: Quiet down, Jess!

(whispering): In here.

Wait, Tristan!

(Jess continues barking) (door opens) JOHN: Morning.

Oh, thank you, John.

(door closes) (stamping feet) (sighs): Good morning, Mrs. Hall.

You were wearing that yesterday.

Just trying to ease the laundry burden before I leave for college next week.

SIEGFRIED: Morning.

Just the man.

For what, exactly?

It's only a week before I go, and there's the small matter of my check.

Check?

What check?

For food, lodgings.

Oh, don't worry about that.

You're family, happy to help.

No, so I can go back to college.

SIEGFRIED: Oh, I see.

You're not leaving today, are you?

TRISTAN: No, but... SIEGFRIED: 'Cause there's a list of medicines to make up as long as your arm.

Be glad to.

Oh, and would you mind answering the phone morning and night?

James and Mrs. Hall are far too busy.

MRS. HALL (quietly): Stay calm, don't enrage him.

Siegfried... Don't!

Don't what?

Don't you think we'd do as well to just get it over with?

Once you've convinced me you deserve it.

I thought you wanted me to go to college.

No, I want you to pass your exams.

I know from bitter experience that one is not necessarily followed by the other.

TRISTAN (sighs): It'll be different this time.

I'll apply myself.

Hudson's instrument, please.

(sighs) SIEGFRIED: If you want that check, Tristan, you'll need to earn it.

(whispering): What are you doing?

(mouthing) SIEGFRIED: Thank you.

(exhales) It's a lot of money.

You can't expect him to hand it over just like that.

Especially if he thinks you're gonna waste it.

Stop that!

(grunts) You'll make the wall grubby.

Keep your nose clean, stay out of his whiskey, and don't give him any excuse.

Oh, you know me, good as gold.

That your shade?

We fell asleep on the sofa.

Hop it, you.

Thank you.

Only one more week.

(murmuring): One more week... (exhales) ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ MAN: Good morning, Mr. Herriot!

Good morning!

Good morning, Mrs. Pumphrey.

Oh, thank you so much for coming.

Let's take a look at you, Tricki.

(panting harshly) Can you hear all that rasping and wheezing?

It's like he's got a little steam train inside him.

I asked François to build the fires up, but it hasn't made much difference.

It's not the cold.

Don't tell me it's the Spanish flu.

I couldn't bear it.

I've never heard of that crossing over into the canine species before.

It's not... a weak heart?

No, I think the answer lies far closer to home.

You've been sticking to the diet I prescribed?

To the letter, Mr. Herriot.

One cup of biscuits, twice daily?

Perhaps not every letter.

We all need the odd treat or life becomes a little dull, don't you think?

Tricki-Woo is becoming dangerously overweight.

He's struggling to breathe.

He's going to die.

(chuckles): He's not going to die.

But he's been so listless, Mr. Herriot.

I thought he must be suffering from malnutrition, so I, I've been giving him a little extra between meals, just to build him up.

Dare I ask?

A little calf's foot jelly.

Uh, uh, cod liver oil.

Uh, beef Wellington.

And, um... A bowl of Horlicks at night just to help him sleep.

♪ ♪ (clock chiming) MRS. PUMPHREY: Oh, dear.

He's never been away from home before.

Are you sure this is quite necessary?

Absolutely.

We'll keep him at Skeldale House under observation.

That way, we can rule out anything more serious.

♪ ♪ JAMES: What's all this?

Oh, just a few essentials for Tricki.

Can't have him going without.

Oh, goodbye, my precious.

(kisses) Oh, this is too tragic.

I'll take good care of him.

You have my word.

(dog growling out of scene) (barking loudly) (panting, barking) He's vomiting again, he is.

SIEGFRIED: What did he have for breakfast?

(dog growling) (voice muffled, ears ringing) Oh, right, uh, any odds and sods.

Leftovers from me dinner.

Bones from the butcher.

I catch him eating newspaper.

(more loudly): Well, I think probably his diet might have something to do with his upset stomach.

Oh, no, I can't afford to be giving him the tip-top stuff.

(growling) All right, there... Would you have a closer look at him, then?

(barking loudly) Easy...

Uh, he seems lively enough.

Well, let's, um, try some different medication.

See if that settles things down.

♪ ♪ (snorts loudly) What are you up to in here?

Preparing medicines, as ordered.

♪ ♪ SIEGFRIED: Five drops in his water every day.

MULLIGAN: How much will that be, then?

SIEGFRIED: Oh, don't worry about that.

You save that for you and Clancy.

Come on.

What's all this?

Tricki's "essentials."

He's here for a period of convalescence.

Uh, he won't be needing his hamper of goodies.

(stammering): Oh... Let's not be too hasty, James.

We need to ease the poor boy in.

Just, um, pop it on that table over there.

Thank you, Charlie.

That dog is an absolute disgrace.

It's not his fault.

Mrs. Pumphrey overindulges him.

All the fine foods, the pampering.

It's done him no good whatsoever.

(hamper opening) He's been spoiled.

I know it comes from a place of love.

Well, of sorts.

JAMES: But he's learnt so many bad habits-- the eating, the lack of exercise... (phone ringing) The inability to carry out the most basic instructions.

(phone ringing) I don't know.

He gives paw pretty well.

Paw?

He can't even answer the bloody phone!

JAMES: The phone?

(phone ringing, Tristan murmuring happily) (chuckling): I mean, I don't know how he ever would.

That would be fairly extraordinary.

(phone ringing) Siegfried?

Can you in fact hear that?!

What?

Don't worry.

I'll get it.

No, you won't!

Don't you dare!

It's his job.

I told him to do it, and he'll damn well do it.

Don't walk away when I'm talking to you!

Well, I thought you wanted me to answer the phone.

Can no one hear that?

Don't answer it!

He has to do it!

Genuinely no idea what you want me to do.

I am fed up to the back teeth with you!

(groans) All you do is laze around fattening yourself while I foot the bill!

(yelps) Well, you can wave goodbye to your check until you buck your bloody ideas up!

(phone ringing) Darrowby 2297.

♪ ♪ (whistles) You must have lead in those legs of yours, Tricki.

♪ ♪ (clears throat) Oh, don't worry.

I'll give these a good scrub afterwards.

Mm.

I'm going to get you fighting fit, Tricki.

(snorts) Shouldn't you be making yourself useful?

Hmm?

Oh, my brother's little tantrum yesterday.

No, I wouldn't worry about that, Mrs. H. He'll want me gone soon enough.

MRS. HALL: Well, that may be so, but it mightn't be to where you want to be.

(door closes) Let me help you with that, Jim.

Good morning, Siegfried.

How much did you say it was, Jim, an ounce of biscuits?

An ounce and a half.

Jim has left me in charge of Tricki today.

More fool him.

Actually, Tris... MRS. HALL: James is needed up at Dobson's.

Helen called last night.

Her bull's having trouble performing.

She asked for him specifically.

(chuckling): That'll be awkward.

Why's that?

JAMES: It won't be.

(stammering): It's not.

Go on, then, James, you've a few to get through this morning.

I promised Mrs. Pumphrey I'd take good care of him.

Which is why you entrusted me with Tricki, eh?

(barks) Ooh!

Oh, you're not afraid of that little thing.

Being fearful is a sign of a higher intellect.

JAMES: He needs regular exercise and lots of water.

Yes, yes.

I think I can just about manage.

MRS. HALL: Will you come to church with me, this morning?

Yes.

Lord knows I have enough to pray for.

I'm doing your favorite-- roast beef.

(exhales) Make sure you earn it.

Understood.

SIEGFRIED: Shall we?

(distant church bells ringing) (Tricki snorts) Sorry, Tricki, doctor's orders.

(snorting) ♪ ♪ JAMES: Morning.

Thanks for coming.

I thought you were gonna put lead in his pencil, not a bullet in the back of his head.

No offense, lad.

Now, Mr. Dobson, you know James was in the right on that one.

Mm, aye.

I understand Clive's having some difficulty serving the cows.

Aye, he's not showing much interest.

Much?

He's not been up on any of 'em.

You said your bull will perform.

And if he don't get 'em knocked up, then I shan't be paying.

How long has Clive been in with them?

A week now.

Mr. Dobson's been giving his cows plenty of water, so he should smell 'em well enough.

Has this happened before?

Never!

Most of the time, it's getting him to stop that's the trouble.

From my experience, that's often the way.

Really?

With bulls.

Shall we take a look at him?

Hello, old friend.

Remember me?

(lowing) (music playing on radio) (Tricki snorting) Tricki!

(snorting) Oy, Tricki!

(snorting softly) You left Tricki in the care of Tristan?

He'll be fine.

He will-- won't he?

Is it all right down there?

Impressive!

And healthy.

We'll give him a shot of testosterone.

See if that gets him going.

Any idea how long that'll take before it has an effect?

Should be fairly immediate.

Good.

I don't know how you Dale farmers do it.

Your livelihood's constantly at the mercy of nature.

We do our best to keep up with the rent.

Hugh's good to us-- not that I like to ask it of him.

He's your landlord?

Since he inherited the estate.

He lost his father around the same time I did me mam.

That's really what got us together.

I got the impression it had been going on longer.

We've knocked about together since we were kids.

Well, when he wasn't away at school, at any rate.

That should perk him up a bit.

Right, don't you be shy this time.

JAMES: We should probably make a quick exit.

The testosterone might make him a tad aggressive.

(Mrs. Dobson whistling) MRS. DOBSON: Hello, Mr. Herriot!

Afternoon, Mrs. Dobson!

I'll see you at the house.

Hope you didn't have a big breakfast.

Why's that?

You'll see.

(snorting) ♪ ♪ Go on, lad, don't be shy.

(grumbling) Go on!

(lowing loudly) ♪ ♪ (lowing loudly) (music playing on radio) Tricki!

(door opens) SIEGFRIED: Come in, Mr. Mulligan.

MULLIGAN: I'm sorry to put you out like this, Mr. Farnon, but Clancy was sick again this morning.

No trouble at all, we would never leave an animal in distress.

TRISTAN: We have not stopped all morning.

Just point me in the right direction, Siegfried, no task is too great.

Well, then, you'll have no qualms about examining Clancy.

(Clancy barking, growling) Good God!

MULLIGAN: Easy, Clancy.

(Clancy barks, Tristan cries out) Easy.

TRISTAN: What a delightful animal.

If you'd just like to come through here.

Come on, Clancy, come on now.

Hey, um, Sieg?

(barking, growling) All right, there you go.

(barking) What seems to be the problem, Joe?

(barking continues) Well, he's still vomiting bad, he is.

But Mr. Farnon gave him some medication, but it don't seem to have done the trick.

Mm, I see... (uneasy chuckle) Will you be wanting to have a good look over him, then?

Hmm?

Oh, yes, yes, naturally.

Yes... (growling, barking) Once I've, you know, fully assessed how he's carrying himself.

You can often tell a lot from the way a dog stands.

Ah, right.

Mm-hmm.

I see what you mean.

Mm... (awkwardly chuckling): Yes... (sighs) (Clancy barking) (Tricki rumbles) Not on your nelly.

(Tricki rumbling) (Clancy continues barking, Siegfried chuckles) (door opens) This should be enough to last you a week or so.

(more loudly): Joe... Joe!

This should be enough to last you a week or so.

Oh, thank you kindly, sir.

A real gentleman, isn't he, Clancy?

(Clancy barking) Come on, Clance.

(door closes) How can he love something so ferocious?

No doubt he faced worse terrors on the front.

Many men like him lost their hearing as a result.

Was the hound much trouble?

Oh, not really.

He seemed lively enough.

Just needs to improve his diet.

So now we're responsible for feeding every poorly nourished dog in Darrowby.

(laughs): Siegfried, it's one packet of food.

Oh, I know, that's kind of you.

We can't make a habit of it.

What, even though his bad diet is probably the root cause of the vomiting.

What do you mean, "probably"?

Possibly.

Apparently.

Presumably.

I know what it means.

Why say it?

You should know!

Well... Can anyone ever be certain?

I take it you did a full examination to rule out anything else?

Mm-hm.

Yes.

As I'm sure you did when you last saw him?

Naturally.

Well, there we are, then.

Come on, Tricki, time for another walk.

♪ ♪ JAMES: Thank you for the feast, Mrs. Dobson.

MRS. DOBSON: Here, take these sausages, Mr. Herriot.

Bye, love!

God, you could roll me home.

Dales hospitality.

One of the perks of the job.

I haven't given you so much as a glass of water.

I'm feeling guilty now.

JAMES: Oh, don't be.

I can give you a lift home, if you like.

It's really no bother.

Oh, thanks.

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ Is that Hugh?

(car doors close) JAMES: Problem?

Nothing for you to worry yourself about, Herriot.

Helen!

Hello, Hugh.

What a lovely surprise.

HELEN: James gave me a lift back from Mr. Dobson's.

Very gallant of you.

See you've thrown a shoe.

Hmm?

Uh, flat tire.

Right, yes, funny.

I've already sent for a mechanic.

He should be along in a moment.

I don't mind giving it a go.

Is there a tool kit in the back?

Um... You know, I've no idea.

HUGH: Really, Herriot, it's actually quite a valuable car.

HELEN: Well, James sounds like he knows what he's doing.

♪ ♪ (sighing): Come on, please, Tricki.

The pub's just there, It's no distance at all.

♪ ♪ (sighs) Hey, there might be a lady dog in there.

(rumbles) I won't crack.

I'm not carrying you.

Genuinely, I'm not.

♪ ♪ Siegfried will have me jump through one hoop after another.

(barks) Aw!

Isn't he just gorgeous!

Eventually, the hoops will get so high, that I'll get caught halfway and be left dangling with my backside in the wind.

Now, that's a lovely image.

(clears throat) Can I hold him?

Be my guest.

Hello!

Come here.

I need to get Tricki walking and lose weight to get my check from Siegfried.

MAGGIE (kissing): Oh, you... You know, Maggie, I'm beginning to wonder if you're really engaging with this problem of mine.

You want him to give you money, and he wants you to earn it, doesn't he?

Yes, which I do.

Not long ago, I was on this very spot collecting debts for the business.

And spending it as quickly as it came in.

He got what he was due.

You'd think he might start showing some faith in me.

What?

You mean when he asks you to do something, he expects you'll shirk off, instead of getting on with it?

Outrageous!

Hmm.

It's not my fault.

The dog won't walk.

What am I supposed to do?

I don't know, Tristan.

It would take a mind greater than mine to work that one out.

(Tricki snorting) ♪ ♪ TRISTAN: Maggie... Do you have any string?

♪ ♪ SIEGFRIED (singing along): ♪ Such horrible dreams ♪ ♪ That you'd very much better be waking ♪ ♪ For you dream you are crossing the Channel and tossing ♪ ♪ About in a steamer from Harwich ♪ ♪ Which is something between a large bathing machine ♪ ♪ And a very small second-class carriage ♪ ♪ And you're giving a treat, penny ice and cold meat ♪ ♪ To a party of friends and relations ♪ ♪ They're a ravenous horde and they all came aboard ♪ ♪ At Sloane Square and South Kensington stations ♪ ♪ And bound on the journey, you'll find your attorney ♪ ♪ Who started that morning from Devon ♪ ♪ He's a bit undersized and you don't feel surprised ♪ ♪ When he tells you he's only 11 ♪ You better not be spoiling your appetite.

No, I was just, um, taking stock.

Why?

What've you got planned for us?

Roast beef with all the trimmings.

(music continues) (package rustling) HUGH: I suppose you'd like me to be the sort of man who's more hands-on.

HELEN: Stop it.

(chuckling) Stop it-- James is right there.

HUGH: Why should he care?

All done.

HELEN: Stop it, Hugh.

Be kind.

(trunk closes) Good man, much appreciated.

My pleasure.

And sincerely, I, uh... Well, I never would have managed.

I'm not really that mechanically minded.

My school didn't really go in for that sort of thing.

They did study Ancient Greek, though.

(chuckling): Oh, yes.

Incredibly useful around these parts.

I bet.

(chuckles) Well, thanks again for this.

And for what you did for, uh, for Andante.

HELEN: I think James was almost as upset about it as you were.

Hmm.

Father made me shoot a stag once.

Beautiful thing.

Felt rotten about it after.

Never again.

You giving me a lift back?

I think we've put James out enough already.

Love to.

Bye, James.

Bye.

♪ ♪ (door closes) (door closes) (engine starts) ♪ ♪ Good chat with the vicar?

We discussed the parable of the lost son.

Ah, yes.

You know it?

I lived it.

Two brothers.

The younger one's a spoiled little brat who sods off to another country and wastes half his father's fortune.

The older one works hard in the fields and asks nothing in return.

When the errant swine gets back, it puts the hard-working son's nose out of joint-- understandably, in my view-- but his father convinces him he should still love his younger brother, despite everything.

Couched in slightly more pious language, I suspect.

You're too hard on him.

For his own good.

If I were blessed with half his intelligence.... You realize he could've gone to Oxford or Cambridge?

He was that bright-- he still is.

If only he'd put in the effort.

(sighs, chopping) You know you're gonna give him the money to go back and study.

Why put him through all this?

So he appreciates it.

And works harder to pass next time.

Glad to hear it.

Now clear off out of the way.

Has something happened?

What makes you think that?

The scale of culinary endeavor suggests you're trying to keep your mind occupied.

Switch the radio on and leave me in peace, go on.

(chopping) (music playing on radio) Well, Mrs. Hall, this is certainly a lot of food.

Well, you've all been hard at it all day, I expect you've worked up an appetite.

(door opens, closes) Something smells delicious.

Oh... God, my feet are killing me.

SIEGFRIED: You don't mean you've been walking him all this time?

Must've done three or four miles, at least.

I'll have Tricki Woo in tiptop shape in no time.

What's wrong with you?

Seen a sparrow eat more.

And you.

Normally, it's like feeding gannets.

I don't suppose there's any more gravy.

(exhales): Right.

(exhales) (exhales) Dobson's?

Ate my own weight in Yorkshire puddings.

You?

SIEGFRIED: Mrs. Pumphrey's pork pies are certainly quite moreish.

And then there was the pâté.

Gentlemen, never fear.

(unbuckling belt) Cometh the hour, cometh the man.

Anything to help you, Siegfried.

(footsteps approaching) TRISTAN: Mm!

(mouth full): Oh!

Good boy.

Mm.

(snorting) Oh!

Mm!

(weakly): Mm... (weakly): Mm... TRISTAN: Mm!

(snorting softly) (birds twittering) (distant dog barking) (phone ringing) Tristan!

Tristan!

(phone ringing) (yelps softly, phone ringing) Oh, God!

(Tristan groans, James laughs) Oh, no!

(softly): I'm coming!

(Mrs. Hall sighs, phone continues ringing) TRISTAN (calling): Coming!

(footsteps descending) Darrowby 2297.

Mrs. Pumphrey.

MRS. PUMPHREY: Oh, I, I feel simply ghastly.

I haven't slept a wink.

TRISTAN: Mrs. Pumphrey, I assure you, Tricki's absolutely fine.

Can I have a little word?

Go ahead.

Oh, you mean with Tricki?

Of course.

TRISTAN: Here, Tricki.

♪ ♪ (snorting) There we go.

(murmuring) Okay, speak to Mummy.

Speak.

(snorting) ♪ ♪ (sighs) (barks) Oh, he sounds so hoarse.

Give him a little kiss from Mummy.

A kiss?

MRS. PUMPHREY: Of course!

(kisses) ♪ ♪ (kisses) (chuckling) (kissing) (sighing) That phone has not stopped all morning.

Set yourself down, Tris.

I'll get you some breakfast.

Mrs. Pumphrey happy?

Utterly bonkers, but seems pleased enough.

Now, could've been the gin talking, but I think Tricki might have gained a new uncle.

Oh, and Dobson called for you, Jim.

Said not to bother going up to check on Clive again.

Apparently he's sowing his oats all over the place.

That's fantastic news!

For Clive, I mean.

And the cows, obviously.

And the Aldersons-- that beast brings in a tidy sum.

Mm... Helen will be pleased.

(sniffs) I'd best be going.

It's all right to leave Tricki with you again?

Mm-hmm, I've a full day's activities planned for us.

TRISTAN: So... (clears throat) Siegfried, I hate to nag... (door closes) But have you given any more consideration towards that check?

I have.

Only it'll take some time to clear before I can spend any of it.

There are lots of books I need, you know.

For studying.

(phone ringing) Oh.

No one move.

(phone ringing) You see?

Properly motivated, he pulls his finger out.

(phone ringing) (chickens clucking) Dobson called.

Oh, right.

Here, make yourself useful.

(chickens clucking) I am pleased to report that Clive is having a rare old time with Dobson's cows.

(laughing): Oh, James, that's fantastic news!

Here.

Wait there.

I'm baking something.

You don't have to do that.

No, back in a minute, wait there.

(chickens clucking) Oh, sugar!

What are you doing with our eggs?!

(stammering): Oh, I, I was just helping.

Yeah, helping yourself?

No, no, no...

Listen, I work damn hard keeping this place going.

Do you think I'm gonna stand here and watch a bloody thief...

I'm the vet-- Siegfried's assistant.

I'm James Herriot.

Right.

What're you doing up here, then?

(breathlessly): I was, I was telling Helen about Clive.

He's doing well now at Dobson's farm.

Afternoon, James.

Our Helen's just burning something for you.

Hello, Jenny.

She wants to thank me for getting Clive going.

Right.

Are we not paying you for that, then?

Leave him be, Dad, it's just something to say thank you for everything James has done.

They look great.

You might want to scrape the top off.

ALDERSON: Yeah.

You might want to bring me my chisel, Jenny.

(chuckling) (forcefully): Mm... (Alderson and Jenny laughing) Delicious.

They're not too terrible?

(coughs) Quite a unique flavor.

They're awful, aren't they?

Honestly?

Some of the worst I've ever had.

(all laughing) ♪ ♪ (breathes deeply) ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ (clears throat) Afternoon.

Afternoon, Mr. Farnon.

When did that come back?

(sighing): What did you call me?

Patron Saint of Lost Causes?

Among many other much more flattering things.

♪ ♪ I'll drive you to Scarborough.

We won't stop until we find him.

I've chased Edward long enough.

He knows where I am.

(door closes) Tris?

Oh, set yourself down, I'll make you some tea.

No, I'm not ready to rest yet.

I want to weigh Tricki-- chart his progress.

Go on.

Stop punishing him.

He's done everything you asked and more.

(snorts) (tapping scale) (snorts) (sighs) How's he getting on?

Yes.

Well.

Well?

Very well, actually.

Good, all that hard graft paying off.

Feel like I've shed a few pounds, too.

Let's see, then.

Oh, I don't think I'll quite fit on... Not you, man, the dog.

Tricki?

It's only been two days, it'd be unusual to see too much change.

You just said he was doing very well.

I think I said he was well.

And I asked, "Well?"

And you said, "Very well, actually."

Did I?

You did.

Put him on the scales.

Look, I've been measuring out his food, walking him constantly, I swear.

On the scales.

He's heavier.

(groans) I don't know why I expected anything different.

(scoffs): What's that supposed to mean?

SIEGFRIED: Four-mile walks?

Meticulous monitoring of his diet?

Why do you never fail to live down to my expectations?

Now, hang on a minute, that's not fair!

Just when I thought you might've changed.

I should've known better.

I'm telling you the truth!

I have been walking him!

I'm sorry, I don't believe you.

And if you think I'm gonna throw good money after bad, you've got another think coming.

Mr. Farnon, wait a minute.

(door opens) (door slams) Tris... (snorting, chewing) Hold on a minute.

Tristan!

(door closes) (sighs) (doorbell ringing) (sighs) (doorbell ringing) (Mrs. Hall sighs) Mrs. Pumphrey!

MRS. PUMPHREY: I'm so sorry.

I...

I couldn't stay away a minute longer.

MRS. HALL: Oh, it's hard, isn't it?

Come on in.

They're all out at the moment, but I'm sure they'll be back soon.

Oh.

And... Tricki?

He's around here somewhere.

Set yourself down, I'll make you some tea.

Charming little house.

So, so... compact and, and functional.

Like a Swiss army knife.

Mm.

♪ ♪ (sighs) (sighing): Oh, those boys... (sighs) (door closes) SIEGFRIED: Tea.

Good idea, Mrs. Hall.

Well, it's not for you.

Mrs. Pumphrey's here.

I can't find Tricki.

Mrs. Pumphrey.

I do apologize.

I'm afraid you just missed Tricki.

James or, uh, Tristan, or possibly even both of them, have taken him for a walk.

They may be some time.

I'll wait, if that's not too much trouble.

No, of course not.

♪ ♪ You quite all right?

What?

Yes, um, gin, wasn't it, your tipple of choice?

It's 12:00!

Your housekeeper offered me a cup of tea.

Coming, Mrs. Pumphrey!

(door closes) Tricki!

Is that Tricki!?

Tricki!

Well, where is he?

I'm sorry, who?

We were just telling Mrs. Pumphrey about all the exercise Tricki's been getting.

Oh.

He doesn't leave Tristan's side.

That is patently a lie!

Would you excuse us a minute?

(quietly): We can't find Tricki-Woo.

Is it possible he left with you?

Me?

No!

What about you?

SIEGFRIED: Why would he have left with me?

TRISTAN: Well, maybe you left the door open.

SIEGFRIED: Yeah, but I'm far too careful!

It must have been you!

(quietly): Both of you quiet down!

Check upstairs.

Quickly, go on.

(breathes deeply) Oh, thank you.

(quietly): Tricki-Woo.

♪ ♪ (quietly): What would I do without him?

(James whistling, closes door) MRS. HALL: And you're sure you've looked absolutely everywhere?

TRISTAN: Yes-- upstairs, every bedroom.

SIEGFRIED: He could be under Tristan's bed.

Do you know there are actual toadstools growing there?

He must've got out.

Let's organize a search party.

Oh, God, I can't believe we've lost him.

Poor little man.

Who've you lost?

(snorts) Tricki!

JAMES: How did you get in?

James, well done!

Oh, my God!

JAMES: Oh, no, see this!

He's been at the liqueurs.

And God knows what else!

We'll have to tell Mrs. Pumphrey.

No, it would only upset her and slow us down.

We need to sedate him and give him a stomach pump now!

♪ ♪ Try not to worry.

I'll have James call you as soon as he's back from his walk.

That would be kind.

SIEGFRIED: She's gone, let's get to it.

Mask?

TRISTAN: I think it's in my jacket.

(snorting) Thank you.

There we are.

There we are.

(exhales) That's it.

That's it.

(snorting slowly) (exhales) How on Earth did he get into the hamper?

Why are you looking at me?

(Siegfried rifling through drawers) I should never have left him with you.

Chocolate, alcohol.

There's no telling what it could do to his insides.

Yeah, and why's that my fault?

I haven't seen or touched that hamper since it arrived.

I don't know how he got into it, but it has nothing to do with me.

Jim, I promise you, this has nothing to do with me.

Why is everything around here always my fault?

Because it usually is!

Who else would be stupid enough to leave the hamper someplace Tricki could get at it?

SIEGFRIED: Perhaps the recriminations can wait until Tricki's finished his treatment.

And perhaps they can't.

Yes, well, um...

I don't think, in this case, Tristan is entirely to blame.

If at all, really.

You see, if he weren't so addicted to a rich diet, he wouldn't have sought it out in the first place!

Siegfried?

The hamper was left on the floor of the study... ...by me.

Tristan is not to blame, James.

I am.

He did nothing wrong.

It was me.

Jim?

Yes?

Are we hallucinating?

Yes, all right, it was my bloody fault!

There's no need to rub it in!

Sorry.

Oh, don't worry about it.

It was worth it to hear him say that.

Will Tricki be all right?

Once we get some fluids into him, he should start to recover.

Hm... (exhales) Fluids!

♪ ♪ James?

How's Tricki?

On the mend.

And Tristan?

Still lording it over me, I suppose.

He's not not enjoying the fact that it wasn't him that made a mistake.

Well, one swallow doesn't make a summer.

My parents really struggled to find the money to put me through college.

I'll be eternally grateful for it.

You repaid their faith in you by your achievements.

Only because you gave me a chance.

And what if he fails again?

What then?

What if he doesn't?

♪ ♪ (birds twittering) (car doors closing) ♪ ♪ (snorting) (barking) MRS. PUMPHREY: Oh, my boofoms!

(chuckling) Oh, my boofoms is home!

My goodness, he feels like a sack of spanners.

He must be starving.

JAMES: Tricki's been on a carefully regulated diet and his condition is much improved.

And we've taken a lot of walks this last week.

Haven't we, Tricki?

Oh, doesn't he just love his Uncle Tris?

Remember his diet, Mrs. Pumphrey.

Yes, yes.

Two cups of dried biscuits and only brown meat.

(chuckles) Bye, Tricki.

Mrs. Pumphrey.

MRS. PUMPHREY: Darling... Oh, Mummy loves you.

James will take you on to the station.

There's no sense in all of us being there.

No, I suppose not.

I'll see you at Christmas, then.

Yep.

What?

You're not waiting for a hug.

We're not huggers now, are we?

Oh, God, no-- there's still the small matter of the... Oh, yes, of course.

(Tricki barking) Isn't that lovely?

(Tricki panting, Mrs. Pumphrey murmuring) (chuckling): Yes.

Oh, yummy.

Unbelievable.

I can't begin to tell you what this means.

I won't let you down.

It is the definition of insanity, doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

Siegfried, what's happening?

It's not you, Tris.

I've seen with my own eyes what you can achieve when you put your mind to it.

It's these damn tutors letting you down.

No, no, they really haven't, they're all first-rate.

I'll teach you!

Come winter, you can sit your exams again.

Under my guidance, I have no doubt you'll sail through!

♪ ♪ (sighs deeply) ♪ ♪ MRS. HALL: You're back?

What have you forgotten?

That my brother's a lunatic.

Siegfried's decided to tutor Tristan himself.

You're staying!

Oh, dear, you know, that must be hard.

It's going to be torture.

I'm sure he means well.

JAMES: I, for one, am glad you're staying.

TRISTAN: The only reason he's doing it is to punish me-- for what, I have no idea.

Maybe it's because you lied about passing your exams.

TRISTAN: I didn't lie, technically.

You do drink his best whiskey.

I honestly can't tell the difference.

Well, that makes it worse.

What about the time you spent all his money in the Drovers?

MRS. HALL: What's that?

Nothing, Mrs. H., just Jim being funny.

Trying to be.

(front door opens) SIEGFRIED: Tristan!

Oh, here we go.

Oh, there you are.

I've brought back someone very special for your first practical experience.

I'm giddy with anticipation.

(Clancy growling) Mr. Farnon.

(Clancy barking, growling) Clancy means the world to Mr. Mulligan.

I think we owe it to both of them to carry out a full physical examination.

Don't you?

Right, Clancy... (barking, Mulligan laughing) Will you look at him smiling?

I reckon he's a fan of yours, Mr. Farnon.

(barking and growling continue) Mr. Mulligan, does it not scare you when you hear him growl like... Mr. Mulligan.

Ah, good boy... Mr. Mulligan?

That's my boy.

There, now.

♪ ♪ No.

Of course it doesn't.

(growling softly) (chuckling): Siegfried, I think the bark may be far worse than the bite.

(chuckles) Good boy.

(chuckling): You're not so fierce, are you?

Aww, good boy.

(laughing) Aww... (all laughing) ♪ ♪ TRISTAN: Looks like a good turnout for the Darrowby Fair.

You're representing the practice.

I'm honored.

Perhaps I'll take a turn.

HELEN: If Clive takes first prize, we could get a really good price.

HUGH: A lot riding on the sale of that bull.

No need to go looking for problems, if you take my meaning.

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